Wednesday, September 4
I didn't know that i was about to add, "attempted to break into a condemned, abandoned UNESCO World Heritage site with a gang of rowdy 12-year-olds" to my list of sins today, but here we are.
It was after 5pm when i finally started walking away from the hostel. I was taking full advantage of single occupancy, leaving as many items plugged in to charge as i could, happy knowing i would come back to full batteries. This included the last couple R6m2 batteries, my laptop, and the power bank for my phone. I was still really tired, my phone was over 60%, i was only planning to be out for two-ish hours, then come back and get to bed early.
I thought that it might be getting to be too late to see much of anything worthwhile at this point, but i was quite hungry, having eaten nothing but the burger at the Cat Café today and walked over that mountain twice. Given the late hour, i decided to do sights first, then tastes.
The main thing i wanted to see was the Gediminas Castle Tower. As it is a museum, i thought for sure that it would be closing soon. Google Maps says open until 8! So there should be time. Looked to be about a 25 minute walk.
I went back over the Park of the Hills, for the third time, but this time i got to go the opposite direction, with the easy incline and the huge drop after. While i was on top, Maps said i was passing by a point of interest called Altanos Kalnas, and listed it as "Busier than usual," so i took a slight detour to see it. It's a very small observation tower, should have a nice view over the city, but it was entirely surrounded by chain link fence, and no one was there. So unless the ghosts of Altanos Kalnas have their GPS enabled, i don't know what "Busier than usual" even means in this context.
I came to the park i'd previously been lost in, approaching the Vilnius Cathedral, and realized that the huge mountain to my right was where that castle was located. I may have gone the other way down that 15 story staircase in the park, but i still saw much climbing in my immediate future.
The way that Maps was trying to lead me up the hill was closed. Chain link fence all around. Part of me thought, hey, now i don't have to do all that climbing, but the part that won out was the one that said, "Hey, maybe there's another way."
I thought i could slip down the alley to the left of the blocked path, where there were coffee shops and restaurants, but as i started that way, i noticed the sandwich board at the intersection that read, "NO PASSAGE TO CASTLE, GO AROUND."
Okay. Go around where? I looked left. It was going to be quite a lot of ground to cover to "go around."
I ended up back at the Cathedral, but this time i walked through a shadowy alley behind the building instead of through the open courtyard, sparing me from having to jealously watch the marathoners checking in again.
This led me into a closed courtyard, fully cobblestoned, with strange concrete blocks that looked like nice places to sit, a statue of a former ruler, and a short train to take you straight up the hill. It had a name, which i can't remember and isn't on Google Maps, but it was essentially the same thing as Angel's Flight in downtown Los Angeles. It was out of order.
I wrapped around the concrete shapes, past a building, and went to head down the cobblestone road between that and the next building. It not only looked like the logical way to go, but Maps, on its third recalculation, was also indicating that this was my turn. However, there was a sign next to one of the buildings that said something to the effect of "No Castle Traffic." I took the road anyway, and came to a dead end at a loading dock where a bunch of teenagers were smoking weed.
I went back to the courtyard, and exited from the opposite side i'd come in, which took me though a short tunnel and out to the main road.
There was a huge banner out here saying that the railway up the hill was out of order, and to go around, with an arrow pointing left, the direction i was heading anyway. I kept going. I got to the end of the block, and turned right.
Ahead of me, there was a wrought iron fence with a gate. Beyond the fence was what looked like a path going up the hill.
Surely. Surely this is it. It must be.
A woman was coming from the other direction. She got to the gate, turned, and entered. It was open. Yes! I'd found it!
It's cobblestones all the way up. It switches back a couple of times. Then, for the final push, you come to a staircase, which also has several bends to navigate.
At the top, i found a vending machine.
Do you remember the scene at the end of "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" where Ethan shouts "Mission...accomplished!" as he smashes the red button with his fist, and it's equal parts lame and satisfying?
I saw Snickers in that vending machine, pulled out my credit card, and yelled, "Not going anywhere for a while!!" as i slapped the card against the reader.
Son of a bitch refused to take my credit card.
No snacks for me.
From up here, looking down into that courtyard, it's obvious that the strange cement formations i thought were benches are actually the foundation for a building, which is missing entirely. Probably an old church.
I went through the tower museum, seeing many ancient tools, weapons, and miscellaneous artifacts recovered from nearby excavations. Most interestingly, there was an "iron wolf" displayed; a fake wolf pelt actually made of iron. It was intricate and realistic, i 100% would have tried to pet it if it weren't behind glass. Strangely, they chose to display this item in the floor. Like it's in a hollowed-out trough beneath your feet, with glass completing the floor above it, so you can walk over it. I don't know why they did that.
In the middle of that same room is a display of a miniature Vilnius, period-accurate to the time the tower was built, showing the tower on top of the hill, surveying the city. Attached to the glass box surrounding that is a monitor with headphones. I put the headphones on and tapped to start the program in English.
An animated iron wolf starts narrating a barely-animated cartoon where he says, "Grr! I am the Iron Wolf!" and delivers all of his lines like an 80s children's book on tape. He talks about the building of the tower and keeping the city safe. I didn't watch much of it.
There are a few more floors of exhibitions, largely the same kind of thing, all accessible via a claustrophobic spiral staircase. Then i reached the top of the tower.
The view over Vilnius is spectacular. This is one of the highest points in the city, and you can see it all. Off to the east, there's a clear view of the Three Crosses, which seem to be at about the same altitude. To the west, tall buildings, the Vilnius city center, and the sunset.
Against the red western sky, i noticed several floating black dots.
Hot air balloons!
Neat.
To the north, the Neris River ran along in front of the hill this tower was built on. And directly across the river, i noticed a building i recognized. The Palace of Culture and Sports. This is an Atlas Obscura location that i thought i was going to skip, but since it's right there anyway, i may as well cross the river when i come down and see it up close real quick. Maybe grab a photo or two, then move on. To food.
Google Maps got upset at me coming down the mountain again, although i really do not understand where it thought i was going to go, the path only led one way. Am i supposed to go rogue and roll down the hill to the weed-smoking loading dock?
Maps found me an efficient way across the river, and had me turn down the street to walk parallel to it, as i expected. Then it got upset at me again as i approached the Culture and Sports complex, and tried to lead me through some gated areas? I don't know what you're up to here, Maps, but i think i can make my own way to the mammoth concrete monstrosity that is dwarfing the neighborhood from here.
I approached a dedication plaque at the entrance to a large, open, grassy lawn between the sidewalk and the building.
This is the remains of the Old Jewish Cemetery.
Built at the turn of the 15th-16th centuries, this was once a Jewish burial ground of some renown, interring many rabbis and scholars, most prominently famous Talmudic scholar Eliyohu ben Shloyme Zalmen, the Vilna Gaon, 1720-1797. The graveyard was desecrated by the Soviets in 1948, and torn up to make way for the Palace of Culture and Sports in 1971. Most of the graves were able to be moved to other cemeteries in Vilnius.
This empty yard now stands only as a monument to the cemetery of old.
I ascended a concrete staircase leading to the building. It's a concrete, brutalist behemoth, with a large concrete space in the front, now overgrown by many plants coming up through the cracks. The area is littered with garbage and broken glass, as though a thousand teenagers have had drunken parties here on the regular. The building itself is surrounded by a chain link fence, though not a permanent one; its posts are not sunk into the ground; rather, just cinder blocks, sitting on the concrete.
I crossed the front of building from right to left, and as i was coming to the corner, a huge portion of the fence had been knocked over, the last dozen posts fallen like dominoes. The left side of the building's fence had been taken down entirely, now lying on the ground, like a gangplank, inviting you onto a pirate ship.
I was gonna go in there. I was gonna climb the concrete stairs up to the walkway on the second story. From there, my plan was just to walk around, maybe see if i could see through any windows.
I was over in the corner of the parking lot recording a little video clip when a family of four approached from the street to the back left corner of the building, marched straight across the chain link, and up the stairs to the building. Okay. I guess i'm not going to be alone up there.
With the video finished, i slipped through the corner of the two fallen fences, not needing to step on the metal at all, and headed up the stairs. The windows at pedestrian level were all boarded up, there wasn't really anywhere to be able to see inside.
As i was about halfway across the facade, moving left to right, a kid zoomed up to me on a razor scooter. He was maybe twelve and had a bowl cut.
"You're not allowed to be up here," he said in an authoritative voice. "You can get a fine."
"Okay," i said. "Thanks for letting me know." I didn't stop.
"So," he said. "Do you want to go inside?"
"Kind of," i replied.
"Alright, i can show you. But if we see security, we have to run." Two or three other kids were catching up with him now. They seemed younger, but i've never been good at judging the ages of children. I have no idea what size they're supposed to be or when. The one with the scooter could very well have been eight or fourteen.
We continued together for a little ways, coming to what looked like it may have once been a main entrance. One of the boards was broken enough here that i could stick the lens of my camera into it. I had barely poked my camera into the hole, when all three kids started shouting, "SECURITYYYY!!!" and running.
I was not going to do that. But it spooked me enough that i did speed-walk a bit toward the stairs. That family was about 20 feet behind me, moving at about the same pace, so i figured that if security was really up there, they'd catch either the kids or the family first, and i could try and slip out the other way.
I got down the stairs and the kids were all clustered up on the other side of the fence. A few more had gathered here as well. I didn't count them but maybe six or eight? Scooter kid looked up at me.
"So. Do you still want to go in?"
"I thought you said security was here."
"My friend said...my friend...this little asshole here..." He grabbed the youngest-looking of the bunch by the shoulders and started shaking him firmly, but gently. "This asshole said they were here, but he was wrong. So do you want to go in?"
"I don't know, i think i've seen enough," i said. "I saw a little through the broken boards."
"No, that's not enough! It's so much cooler inside! Here, let me show you!" He pulled up some videos on his phone that looked like they were taken inside, but mostly he seemed to have filmed walls and stairways, it was tough to actually see anything overly interesting in the whip-pans of his hasty, unsteady footage.
"Alright, take me inside," i said.
"There are sensors," a taller kid said. This one was definitely a teenager.
"Only in the back," scooter kid countered. "If we stay in the front we will have maybe...five minutes?"
I shrugged. "Ehh. Maybe."
"Okay, but remember, we may have to run."
"I'm leaving the country tomorrow. I don't really think they're going to do anything to me. I don't know about you, though," i said.
I stood around while the kids kept discussing amongst themselves. Some of them started walking away.
"Are you going in or not?" i asked.
"Uh. Yes," scooter kid assured me.
I waited around for a few more minutes, but the kids quickly devolved into a herd of cats, their cluster loosening, then several disappearing.
I walked away.
I was heading down the sidewalk to the left of the building, back toward the intersection that family had come from - which, where did they go now? I'd lost track of them - still admiring the brutalist structure and shooting video as i went. I was at the back of the building, close to the road, when i turned back and saw the kids go sprinting over the fence, back up the stairs, and across the walkway on the building. "What are these idiots doing now?" i mused aloud. I stood there and kept watching.
Maybe they were still going to go inside. They've obviously done this before, assuming those videos are actually from this building. I didn't really see any reason to distrust them. Yeah, they could be looking for an accomplice, or a fall guy, but i think they were just genuinely excited to share a thing they'd discovered with some new people.
I stood there on the corner for several minutes, contemplating.
What am i even doing here?
I came to Europe to have new experiences and do dumb shit. Taking this trip at all was not a wise decision. I came here to have an adventure. God damn it, here's an adventure.
I walked back.
The kids were coming down the stairs slowly, one by one, and everyone was gathering up at the same corner of the two downed fences. They were up to a dozen, half of them teenagers. But bowl-cut razor-scooter still seemed to be the ringleader.
He saw me coming back. "Do you want to go inside?"
"Are you actually going in, or what?" i said.
"Yes."
"Then let's go."
The whole group headed up the stairs together. We walked back to the spot with the broken board that i'd already filmed through. Two of the bigger kids started working on opening it, while i filmed them.
The building alarm went off.
We all took off running. I was laughing maniacally.
Not in a nervous way. This was actually really funny to me.
Once we hit street level, we all dispersed, and headed different directions. I kept grinning. The whole thing was just so intensely dumb and fun. I did feel like i was one of those kids again. I was giddy.
It's unfortunate we didn't get inside, that would have been a really cool adventure. I really wish those kids had not set off the alarm immediately. But it is what it is, and what it is, is still a fun story, to me.
I walked about two blocks, and started messaging some of my groups about it. "I only wish that they hadn't tripped the alarm so soon," i said, "although 'got deported from Lithuania' might look kind of badass on my résumé."
The adrenaline wearing off, i started searching for nearby restaurants. I also pulled up Atlas Obscura, so that i could select something that was vaguely in the direction of other things i still wanted to see. I picked one, and headed for it.
I had walked a mile and a quarter when i crossed a street and ran into the six teenagers i'd just been with at the Sports building.
"Hey man! Nice to see you!" one of them said.
"How the hell did you find me?" i asked, shaking his hand.
"So where are you from?"
"United States."
"You like it there?"
"Eh. It's okay."
"What do you think of Vilnius?"
"I've had a pretty good time here so far."
We made small talk for five or so minutes, and then went our separate ways.
The restaurant was called Bernelių Užeiga, and upon approaching their outdoor patio, i immediately felt like i was underdressed for the place. In the past, this would have deterred me; when Amanda and i were looking for a place to eat on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, everything looked way too fancy for our sweat-soaked cargo shorts and t-shirts-wearing asses, so we ended up at a fast food place. My clothes were just as sweat-through at this point, and i hadn't showered today, but i was undeterred. Plus, crime is free, so i'd had no-cost entertainment and a complimentary adrenaline rush already today, i can splurge on food.
I asked for a table, and was seated.
The menu had a "Lithuanian National Dishes" section, and i thought the first item, handmade venison and dried mushroom-stuffed ravioli, sounded incredible, so i tried to order that. The waitress said it would be at least 40 minutes for ravioli, though, and i did not want to wait that long. It was well after 8 already, i had hoped to be back at the hostel around 7. Also, as i sat down, my phone had just given me the warning that the battery was at 15%.
Why the hell did i leave the power bank at the hostel? It wasn't dead, i had just thought it would be nice to come back and see it charged to full. This was...how can i put this delicately...completely fucking stupid. I could just as easily have charged the damn thing overnight.
With ravioli off the table, my brain blue screened for a moment. "I can make a suggestion if you like," the waitress offered.
"Yes, please do," i said.
"Have you ever had Lithuanian food?"
"No, not really," i answered, trying to think of what i had actually eaten since i've been here. Some shit from that automated convenience store. A burger. A latté. Yeah...none of that is especially cultured, just vaguely Vilnius-themed.
She gestured at three things on the menu she thought i might like. I didn't really know what any of it was, but the first thing she mentioned had a picture, so i pointed right back at that and said yes. "Fried grated potato dumplings stuffed with minced meat served with sour cream, fried onions, and bacon," it is titled on the menu. I believe this is called cepelinai.
I also ordered Lithuanian baked cheese as an appetizer, and tried to get the house-made fruit juice, but she talked me out of that as well, i can't remember why, so i got an Aperol spritz.
The baked cheese was served on a wooden board, and is half-centimeter-thick slabs of cheese served with a sprig of parsley, a clove of garlic, and some sort of a red chili pepper. It was all delectable. I was taking thin slices off of the garlic and little chunks of the pepper with bites of cheese, it all went so well together. This was the spiciest thing i've eaten on the trip; in Denmark, at least, when they say things are "spicy" they are lying, and i think that held true of all my experiences in Scandinavia. I don't know that i've ordered anything spicy in the Baltic states yet.
The cepelinai was also incredible. I don't know what i was expecting, but it wouldn't have mattered; nothing in my previous life experience would have imagined a dish constructed in this way. I liked it a lot.
And the bill ended up being much lower than i expected, too. Not sure how that happened.
Nice place.
Somehow, throughout the meal, i had been conservative enough with my phone usage that i was at 14% walking out of the restaurant.
A wiser man would have taken this boon and used it to get home safely.
That is not the choice that i made.
I still had two more Atlas Obscura things reasonably nearby that i wanted to see, and i thought right now might be my last opportunity.
Sėkmės Pilvas, or "Lucky Belly," is a brass sculpture of only the front half of a jovial fat man's torso, about 1/4 scale, sticking out of the side of a building. A nearby plaque invites passersby to rub it for good luck.
The street it was on turned out to be a busy restaurant district, the statue was partially blocked by some outdoor seating, but i managed to get in, take a quick rub, get out, and keep moving. The positioning of the thing is kind of awkward, and the whole place was crowded, so i kept my presence to a minimum.
8%.
Last stop: the Frank Zappa memorial. This is one that i was very interested in seeing, and should have seen on my initial walk from the train station to the first hostel when i arrived in Vilnius the previous night, but somehow missed it. It should have been right along my path.
When i arrived, it was easy to see why i missed it. The memorial itself is just a mural and a statue of Frank's bust. The Obscura article says right on it, "the bust is hard to see, look for the mural," but as i passed the building that night, the mural would have been behind me. I was traveling the wrong direction to see it without knowing where to look. Plus, most of the mural is currently overgrown with vegetation. The statue is on a much higher pedestal than it should be; viewing it from the ground, you're pretty much staring up his nose (past his lustrous mustache).
It's nice to see, but probably wasn't worth going this far out of my way for. It's a bit of a curiosity as well; Zappa never had any connection to Lithuania. He wasn't Lithuanian, he never played a single show in Lithuania, and by all accounts, he never even visited the country. Yet here is this memorial, an official city landmark, which was commissioned and paid for by government funds.
In 1991, after the dissolution of the USSR, Lithuania was actively working on developing its national identity. Young people of the time latched onto Zappa's unique jazz-rock fusion stylings, feeling that it represented the feeling of their inner turmoil. As time went on, Zappa only became more popular in Lithuania, as each generation since has picked up his records and run with them. To this day, Frank Zappa is one of the best-selling musicians in Lithuanian history. And most of this notoriety came posthumously; Frank died in 1993, less than two years into Lithuania's newfound independence.
4%.
The hostel was 2.3 kilometers away, about a 35 minute walk. I did not have hope that my phone would make it. I only hoped it could lead me as far as the Vilnius Cathedral, i could probably find my own way from there.
GPS led me back the way i'd come, back through the bustling restaurant district, very nearly past Bernelių Užeiga, and then out into many narrow, cobblestone streets that i had not yet seen.
I said in my first Vilnius log that i hadn't seen anything ancient-looking about this city, but over the course of this fine Wednesday, i had seen plenty of that history.
My path took me, quite accidentally, to historic St. Anne's Church, an absolutely stunning gothic church made of red brick, which had previously burned down in 1419 but was reconstructed in the latter half of that century and consecrated in 1500. It has remained largely unchanged over the last 500 years.
This one is also on the Atlas, but i hadn't made the effort to come out this way; according to the article, when Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Vilnius, he was so taken by St. Anne's that he said he "wanted to take it back to Paris in the palm of his hand." There were several flat stone carvings set outside at a shallow angle to the ground, depicting bible stories. They look like they are meant to be upright, perhaps part of a wall. I got quite distracted by them for a moment, then remembered that i'm up against a ticking clock, and set back out on the path.
Passing through the grounds of St. Anne's, i found myself on the banks of the Vilnia River. This is great! Now, if my phone poops out, i can just follow the river the rest of the way to Park of the Hills, and then i'll know what to do from there.
My phone did die moments later, just as it gave me the direction to cross a bridge over the Vilnia at what i think was an architecture college.
Okay. Just stick to the river. I turned left, passed a spot where a bunch of teenagers were necking by the river, and ascended a stone staircase. This led me to a small open yard with grass and trees, where i encountered a stray cat. The yard was triangular, with the one side open to the river, and the other two walled. Following the path brought me to a gap in the wall. As i crossed it, i found myself on a narrow cobblestone pedestrian road with what looked like paper jellyfish lanterns hung from wires overhead. Their iridescent glow gave the street very friendly illumination.
This passage went by a few buildings, mostly businesses, and then ended at an intersection with a regular street. Just before exiting the passage, there was a very old water fountain with a strange figure mounted into the top. The water came from above, so it was perfect for filling a bottle. I topped one of mine off, since i was still low on my goal for the day and i thought it would be helpful to pound down another bottle before i got to the hotel, no matter how badly i already needed to pee, so that i wouldn't end up chugging a bunch before bed yet again.
There was a plaque next to the fountain, the English part began with "Once upon a time," and i resolved to read and photograph it as soon as my bottle was done oh-so-slowly filling, but i forgot to do that.
I turned the corner and. Oh. Oh hey. I recognize this road!
The Olfactory Store! I know i've passed this a few times!
Landmarks kept being familiar as i continued along the road. But soon it forked. I kept to the left, because that's the side that would be closer to the river, but in my mind i had doubts. Perhaps i did need to go right.
I stayed the course though, and even though things seemed more and more unfamiliar for a moment, i was soon rewarded by seeing a house covered in very familiar graffiti on my right. I looked left. It was the exit to the Park of the Hills, the smaller staircase that brought me into the hostel's neighborhood. The school where i'd been swarmed with kids was just a couple more doors down.
Holy shit. I'm here. I made it. And god damn, here i still thought i was on the other side of the Vilnius Cathedral and i'd have to go over the mountain yet. But i didn't, i didn't have to do that. I went around it.
Incredible. I was so happy.
The hostel would be just up this way a few more blocks. I may yet sleep tonight.
I got in, stripped my clothes off, threw them on one of the bunks i wasn't using, and plopped down onto my bed. Yeah, there was my power bank, my Big Orange Battery, as Amanda called it, which i'm just now realizing can be shortened to BOB. LEDs showing a full charge. Why did i leave you here, you magnificent bastard.
I naïvely thought i would get this whole log written out before i went to sleep, but it was pretty clear, pretty quickly, that that wasn't going to happen. It took me another three hours on the train to write just this half. It's fine; i wasn't going to post it until i was out of the country anyway. Not that i actually think the Lithuanian police will (a) even find my blog or (b) care enough to track me down, but. You know. Just in case.
It sounds much more badass to say "attempted a break-in at a UNESCO Heritage Site" than the details of the actual caper are, after all. Still, i got a rush out of it. Glad i went.
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