2024-09-30

Day 48, Part Two: Monte Carlo

Monday, September 30

Listen, i love The Cranberries, but have y'all been doing this all day??
    The hostel room was entirely empty. Instead of simply grabbing the charging cable and plugging the watch into B.O.B. on the train, as i'd planned, i decided to leave it on the fast charger for a little bit while i utilized this brief moment of privacy to take a porcelain cruise. And since i was doing THAT, i may as well finish up yesterday's log and get it posted.
    This was enough time to charge my watch to 60%, plenty for walking around Monte Carlo for a little bit. That watch charges hella fast.
    It was just after six when i left the hostel. In the short time i'd been inside, those gray clouds had returned, and brought their little sprinkles with. Hopefully all the clear sunny skies are in Monaco now?
    There was a train leaving for Monaco every twenty minutes, which took twenty minutes to get there. As i walked in, i selected the next available train in the Eurail app. The final train for the evening would be departing Monte Carlo at 21:18. So i would have roughly two hours to walk around and see whatever i could before i had to get back to the train station.
    As i entered Gare de Nice Ville, a woman came up to me.
    "Can you help me?" she asked.
    "I can try," i said.
    "I have this ticket," she said, showing me a paper train ticket. "It says from 'A', which is here, but i don't know where to go now."
    I examined her ticket. I didn't really know what i was looking for at first, but after a moment i realized we were getting on the same train. She was also going to Monte Carlo at 18:33.
    "Oh! We're on the same train," i told her, showing her my open Eurail app, with that exact journey on screen. "I just got here, i haven't figured out which platform yet. I was looking also."
    I went over to one of the Departure monitors. One of her family members, a young woman, possibly one of her kids, followed me. I found a train leaving at 18:33, and matched the train number, TER81167. It said "Menton."
    "Is it Menton?" she asked.
    "Yeah, it's that one. I'm sure."
    I returned to the panicked woman, and her family of eight. "Track E," i told her. "The train is going toward Menton, so that's what it will say on the monitor and on the train."
    "Oh! Thank you!" she said. The family and i went through the underground tunnel over to track E to wait. We had some time. At this point, i realized that "Direction Menton" is clearly labeled under the train number on the Eurail app.
    It did feel extremely weird to be getting on a train without my backpack. I had to keep reminding myself that no, i did not forget anything; it's safely locked up at the hostel, where it belongs. I don't need to have it right now.
    The Monte Carlo train station was weird. From the platform, in order to exit, i had to go down two or three flights of stairs, like i was descending into a deep subway, then take an elevator back up a couple floors, then a tall escalator up to street level. I emerged into an area filled with buildings sixish stories tall, so close together that barely any of the surrounding scenery could break through. The sky was dark gray, and droplets of water were hitting me in the face. Outside never felt so claustrophobic.
    Not far down the street, i saw a gigantic pink poodle on a second-story balcony. From where i stood, it was unclear if this was a statue, or the biggest carnival stuffed animal ever conceived. This thing would be in the ballpark of the Wheelie Mammoth from Bob's Burgers.


    The entire country of Monaco has three entries on the Atlas Obscura. One of them is permanently closed, one of them is a museum which is probably closed at this hour and i wouldn't go for right now anyway. The third is a statue. What the hell, i'm just here to walk around and see what Monte Carlo is like, i may as well accept some direction.
    All of Monte Carlo seems to be those tall buildings, which definitely exude a feeling of some wealth. Monaco does have the highest median net worth per citizen in the world. There still have to be service industry people, of course, but for the most part, this is a country of rich assholes.
    And they sure do drive like it.
    I felt like very few motorists were looking out for pedestrians. This is the polar opposite of literally everywhere else in Europe. Some countries are more cautious about it than others; like across Scandinavia, they will stop if they even think there's a chance you might want to cross the street. Italy is more like the American midwest, where you'll find some considerate people that will wait for a pedestrian, but most of the time they just go and you'll need to find your own break in traffic.
    In Monaco, i felt like traffic was actively trying to kill me.
    The streets are as squiggly as your uncle's dirty can of fishing worms, and the crosswalks are just as ugly. The traffic signals are also slightly different, and it took me a few intersections to figure them out. So in Europe, pedestrians get the same red, yellow, and green as cars, where in America, there's just the red "don't walk" and the blue or white "walk" signals, no intermediary. In Monaco, there's just the red and the green, but then a timer appears sometimes. The first crosswalk i came to, it was red, and after i'd waited a moment, a timer started. No traffic was moving from any direction, so after it had ticked down for a bit, i thought...does the timer mean i have that much time to go? The light is still red, but so are the numbers, but they weren't there when i first stopped?
    So i crossed. And when the timer got to 45 seconds, the light turned green, and the two motorcycles at the front of the line of stopped traffic revved their engines and peeled out around me. I practically triple-jumped over to the safety of the curb.
    Fuckin. Jeez.
    Okay, i guess that's not what the timer means?
    At the next intersection, i figured out that the stopped cars also get a timer, to let them know how much longer their red light is. This is the opposite of what we do in America, where they keep putting shrouds over the lights so you can't see what the other direction is doing, and can't tell when your turn is coming.
    I spent most of my walk to the monument going through narrow walkways around buildings, usually well above ground level. There was one staircase i went down which was like five stories. It had a handrail in the middle of it, so foot traffic could go in either direction and have a divider. Bolts had been put into the top of this rail about every two feet. This has the effect of not allowing you to rest your hand on the rail the entire way down the stairs, which is stupid and inconvenient. I'm pretty sure it's meant to be a deterrent to skateboarders, who could otherwise probably grind so fast down this staircase, if they could make the fourish foot jump between rails at each level of stairs. The only problem is, the staircase takes a hard right turn for the last segment, so i feel like if you did grind the whole thing, you'd get to that turn and yeet yourself straight off a fifteen-foot cliff. This is how Michael Cera killed Chris Evans in Scott Pilgrim vs The World.
    Google Maps tried to lead me over a bridge that was gated and locked by police order. I was at a playground two stories up, and there wasn't an obvious way back down to the ground. I'd been winding my way through an apartment complex/elementary school for a ways, so if i had to go all the way back, it would be significant. The playground had another owl climbing feature, identical to the one i'd seen in Paris. As i had then, i texted a picture to my friend/adopted sister Cyndi, who is a different person from my cousin Cyndi in Denmark.
    "I want one!!" she said.
    I don't know if i can smuggle this across the Monacan border in a backpack, but i'll give it some thought.
    I walked around the playground, and found a hidden staircase down to ground level. It brought me to a strange intersection, where cars kept moving through in unpredictable ways. I pushed a button to get a walk signal, waited out the timer this time, and got a green light. As soon as i stepped foot in the road, a woman driving a Tesla blew straight through her red, staring me down as she did.
    This area had several intersections and sharp curves piled on top of each other, roads reminiscent of the box of ornament hooks you dig out for Christmas every year. It gets worse the longer you look at it. Several semi trucks were trying to get through to a loading dock that had an angle almost too tight for them to physically maneuver. Multiple men in yellow vests were surrounding them, giving hand signals, yelling.
    And there, on a small green island in the middle of all this, was the monument i was looking for.
    The Juan Manuel Fangio statue in Monte Carlo is a sculpture not only of the man, but of his whole-ass car as well, the Mercedes-Benz W196. Fangio, known as El Chueco, was one of the greatest Formula One drivers of all time. A five-time world champion, he won races in Monte Carlo in 1950 and 1957. The statue is located on the Rascasse Curve of the Monaco Grand Prix route.
    It's a cool statue, for sure, but i was slightly more transfixed by the traffic calamity happening around me. It was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating to be surrounded by all these giant trucks, executing precision movements, as the ground crew desperately tried to get them in and out of a tight spot, like feral horses. Like a rodeo. I've never been to a rodeo.
    Much of the sidewalk across the street was also closed off, but i found a way to slip around it and behind a barrier that was blocking off part of the street for foot traffic. As i walked away from the statue, and the rodeo, everything to my right was filled with pop-up tents and temporary fencing. I knew that the port was over there, i could still see the masts of all the docked boats peeking over the sea of white canvas, but the water was entirely blocked out. Workers were busy putting things into place. Clearly, they're setting up for some kind of major boating event.
    It was several blocks, maybe even a kilometer, before i was able to get a glimpse of the open water. I was moving toward what seemed at first to be a cruise ship, but that looked out of place here. This was a port for small boats. The closer i got, the more it became apparent that this was, in fact, a building.
    It was the Monaco Yacht Club. While the side that i approached from sure looked like a cruise ship, several stories tall and rounded, the other side confirmed that it was done on purpose, with layers of observation decks that no doubt house patio bars.
    Immediately after the yacht club, the street entered a tunnel. A sign pointed into it reading "CASINO." Oh, cool. I could see the famous Monte Carlo Casino, like in The Castle of Cagliostro! And also multiple James Bond movies i guess.
    I was starting to feel pressed for time. It was nearly 8:00. I'd told myself that, wherever i was at 8, i would turn around and head back to the train station. I'd been walking through it for quite a while, so i checked Maps to see how much further, where i learned that this tunnel has a name, Tunnel Larvotto. This makes me think it's also part of the Monte Carlo Grand Prix, so that's fun. I wonder how much of that course i actually walked along. I guess i could probably look it up.
    The tunnel was disconcertingly long, but i did make it out before 8. I really wanted to see the casino before i left, so i put in directions for that.
    I turned left as soon as i was in the open, and passed by an art store. In the window was perhaps the dumbest Elon Musk fanart i've ever seen. The background is old comic strips on newsprint, and Musk's dumb fucking face is inside of a spacesuit in front of the American flag. There's a shape i can't identify rising up from his shoulder, i thought it might be a sword, but it could be the profile of one of his stupid rockets, with the SpaceX logo. There's a quote next to that, "I would like to die on Mars, just not on impact."
    Below the quote is a cartoon rendering of Mickey Mouse in a spacesuit, holding a helmet that has his ears.
    I'll grant that this art dealer knows how to cater to rich assholes.
    There were more statues along the next path, which brought me directly to the front door of the casino. Expensive sports cars were parked in front, and a special lane had been cordoned off for valet service. The square in front of the casino was swamped with tourists taking pictures of the building. I joined them.
    I would have loved to go in and have a look, but i would not have been admitted dressed as i was. This is a fancy rich people casino, they have a dress code. Gentlemen are required to wear jackets. If i had been there between 9am and noon, though, when the high rollers are all still sleeping, they do let you come in and look around for €10 and will give you a tour of the gambling rooms for an additional €10.
    I'm happy to have just taken a picture of the outside, though. I didn't really want to go in and rub any elbows with a wannabe Le Chiffre or anything.
    Moving along, i explored the grounds a little, taking pictures of the fountains and other monuments. As i was heading out, i stopped to get a pic of the bust of Charles III, when a woman slipped in between me and my subject, looked the statue in the eye, curtsied, and blew a kiss, then looked at me, said something in another language, and sped away, laughing maniacally.
    Okay, i really need to get to the train station. I put it into the GPS and...it was only like 15 minutes away. Oh. Okay. I must have walked in a more circular direction than expected.
    I could spend more time in Monaco, but i felt like i'd seen enough.
    I was halfway to the train station from there when i walked by a pizza place. The clerk made eye contact with me through the window and smiled. I smiled back, and kept walking...then stopped, and doubled back. She didn't speak any English, but we managed enough that yeah, i once again let a cute waitress sell me some food i wouldn't have bought otherwise.
    And it was a fucking incredible slice of truffle mushroom pizza, which i ate sitting at the platform for my train. Zero regrets, even though i missed the train i was after by one minute and had to wait 20 for the next one.
    It's fine, i'm not really in a hurry. That was only the third-to-last train back to Nice, now i'll be on the second-to-last.

Back at the hostel, i once again partook of their house-special Long Islands, which you already know because of the notes i left in brackets on yesterday's entry. I still couldn't get caught up on the blog before they kicked me out of the common room at midnight again, partially because i also spent a bunch of that time trying to figure out how the hell to get to Barcelona. It was looking pretty complicated and i was going to need to have an answer very soon.
    I wasn't going to be able to overnight it without getting left in a train station on a nine-hour layover, which i did not want. Most of the layovers were in places i'd never heard of, but one was in Marseille. Also, i really wanted to see Cannes, even if just to walk around for a few hours, i was clinging to that with my exhausted and numb fingers fully locked.
    I finally decided, alright. One of these routes has the nine-hour layover in Marseille. Why don't i just go to Marseille tomorrow, and get a hostel there for the night, then i can start my complicated multi-train journey to Barcelona from there, fresh off a good night's sleep? I'm gonna have to burn October 2nd as a travel day regardless. Now i just need to get up early, so i can catch a morning train to Cannes, and have a good amount of time to explore.
    After that, the ideal situation would be to get on the 6am train out of Marseille, which would put me in Barcelona around 5pm, an 11 hour 9 minute ride. I didn't know if i would be capable of getting up that early, given my track record on this trip, but if i missed it, there was another one out of the same station at 9am that would get me there by 9:40pm, 12 hours and 38 minutes, which is far less ideal, but it is what it is i guess.
    So. Make 6am happen, buddy. You can do it.
    Put a pin in all of this.

Day 48, Part One: Nice

Monday, September 30

This is, without question, the best bed that i've had in a hostel on the whole trip. It's comfy, sure, but most importantly, it's quiet. I roll over multiple times during the night, every other hostel bed has responded to that with so much creaking and clattering, you'd think i was pulling aluminum foil off the roll and balling it up for free throws.
    I'm on the bottom bunk, and when the guy above me moved around, i could barely feel the frame move at all. 10/10, solid construction.
    Today was another one of those days with no real plans. I sat in the common room, sipping my electrolytes, for a while. "When You're Gone" by The Cranberries was playing when i sat down. Nice, that's a bit of a throwback. Most of what they've been playing has been modern dance tracks, i Shazamed a ton of stuff while i was writing last night.
    I was trying to figure out my plans for tomorrow. I still don't know what's happening. There's a train to Cannes like every twenty minutes, so that's definitely where i'm starting, but how the hell to get to Barcelona from there? I still don't have a good answer.
    This will get worse. Put a pin in that. Don't worry, it'll still resolve in Part One.
    There came a time when i just had to stop staring at train schedules and get out and adventure, though. And that time was when "When You're Gone" started playing again.
    I'm in France, so of course i started my day by visiting the local boulangerie. The clerk did not speak a word of English, so we muddled through with my broken Français, and i ended up with a piece of quiche sliced like a pizza and a segment of a large Nutella roll up. The boulangerie barely had enough room for the counter inside, so i exited with my goods. There was no outdoor seating either, so i found a spot on a curb, hidden between two potted trees, and enjoyed my quiche. When it came time to open the Nutella roll up, powdered sugar spilled out of the deli paper, all over my shirt, pants, and camera. I tried to control it, but that only ended up increasing the dusting.
    I realized i had forgotten to fill my water bottle, which i could find ways around, but then i noticed i didn't have BOB the Big Orange Battery. I had to go back to the hostel. I don't think this actually affected anything, other than time, and probably could have been omitted from the story, except i wanted to note that "When You're Gone" was playing yet again. This is where i checked the weather forecast, though, because i was noticing that the gray clouds above were crowding out what little blue sky i'd seen on my first lap.
    The weather app was showing that it would be cloudy until about noon, and after that, it should clear up. Wonderful. However, as i was about to close the app, it suddenly updated to show rain icons all the way up to 15:00. The percentages for chance of rain were all in the high 30s, and later, still cloudy.
    Well, that sucks. Not the day i would have liked for Nice. But, what choice have i got? It's my only day here, possibly for my entire life. Gotta live my life as if i'm not gonna get wet.
    You know i'm gonna be upset if i do, though.
    Back on track, i headed toward Fontaine du Soleil, the Sun Fountain. It was not far from the hostel, and was one of only six Atlas Obscura items in Nice.
    I turned the corner into the plaza featuring the statue, and was immediately confronted with a statue of a bald, yellow man, kneeling on a platform, 50 feet up in the air.
    Uh. Okay then.
    Oh, there are more of them.


    Seven bald, yellow men, kneeling on platforms, fifty feet in the air, alternating sides of the railroad tracks running through the middle of the plaza. I took my pictures, and walked across the long, open plaza, crossing a street at the end to reach the fountain.
    When it was originally unveiled in 1956, this 23-foot-tall statue of the Greek god Apollo was evidently pretty controversial. First of all, people seemed confused by the four horse figures on his head, which was meant as a reference to Apollo's daily task of hauling the sun across the sky. The locals began calling him "The Four Horsepower Statue," a reference to the Renault 4CV automobile.
    More damning, however, was his penis. In true Greek fashion, the statue is completely nude, and the citizenry of Nice in 1956 was appalled at how big his dick was. So in response, the sculptor actually took to it with a chisel and shortened the penis. This was not enough, though, which surprises me; the number of statues i've seen around Paris and other parts of France with their dick outs is staggering, i don't understand how this was the (Moby) Dick-Length that broke the French.
    Declared an obscenity, it was moved to an obscure spot behind a stadium in 1970, only returned to the public eye here, at the edge of Place Masséna, atop a fountain, in 2011.
    Apollo brings with him his five friends, bronze statues representing Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, and Saturn, which are equally naked and anatomically correct, three men and two women. I don't know which is which, but personally i was a fan of the woman with the three ugly-as-hell dolphins surrounding her like attack dogs; i'm guessing this is Venus.
    One stray observation; the bronze figures cut off where they are meant to reach the water level, supported by posts from that point downward. The water level was an inch or two below the intended mark, though, so these posts were obvious today. What's strange is that all of the male statues cut off somewhere above the ankles. Only the women have feet.
    I also decided i couldn't leave the plaza without figuring out what the bald yellow men were all about. Google Maps tells me the piece is called "A Conversation in Nice," and these represent the Seven Buddhas of Creation, and are named after the Seven Continents. Okay then.
    While i was circling the fountain, water started dripping on me. At first, i assumed, or hoped, that it was just loose spray off of the fountain. And it may have been some of that, sure, but as i walked away, the drops started getting more frequent.
    No, i was definitely going to get rained on. Again.
    I kept pressing on toward another monument, which led me out to the sea.
    Once i reached the nearby boardwalk, i noted that the beach wasn't sand, it was very large, smooth rocks. I couldn't resist. There was a stairway leading down to the beach, i descended, angering my GPS. I walked out to the shore, and stood there, watching the currents bring waves up to crash onto the stones.
    After a while, i started walking down the beach. I wasn't on the boardwalk, but at least i was moving in the correct direction. I took out the Insta360, and made a little "tiny planet" video of me walking along, as the waves crashed just inches from my still-shoed feet. This is the first "tiny planet" video i've made on the trip. I've used that camera quite a bit less than i thought i would, even though it's always in my inner vest pocket, with its thick selfie stick stabbing me in the armpit. All day, every day. The handle slides out the front of the vest sometimes, and i'm always afraid someone's going to think it's the barrel of a gun. I've been a little paranoid about this ever since i saw those armed guards at the castle in Copenhagen.
    It wasn't long until i came to an area that was designated for a fancy beachside restaurant. I don't know if i could keep walking here, i don't know if the restaurant owns the beach at that point; i don't feel that they should be able to, but we live in capitalism. There was a staircase leading back up to street level right about there, so i headed up, and continued toward the monument.
    L'Ange de la Baie is a memorial for the victims of the Bastille Day terrorist attack in Nice on July 14, 2016. As i approached the monument, an elderly man came up to me and started speaking French.
    "Je suis desolée, je ne parle pas Français." Not exactly my practiced phrase, this one indicates i can't speak French at all, but that is what came out.
    "Do you know why the monument is here?" he then asked, in perfect English.
    "No, i don't, i just got here," i said, as if that explained anything.
    "This is where the terror attack stopped, right here at this intersection," he said, indicating the street to our left. "It started back that way." He pointed.
    On Bastille Day in 2016, a man drove a cargo truck into a crowd celebrating the occasion on this spot, firing a pistol from his open window as he went. Across a two kilometer stretch, 86 people were killed and more than 400 others were injured, including children as young as three, before police stopped the vehicle by killing the driver.
    The monument, created by Nice artist Jean-Marie Fondacaro, represents a wave, with the names of the 86 murdered civilians engraved in a heart shape. Above is a statue of a figure with arms outstretched, morphing into wings, to take flight.
    I headed back the direction i came. This boardwalk is called Prom des Anglais, the English Promenade, because it was built by wealthy English tourists who liked to walk close to the sea. I'm actually unclear what sea this is; i talked about that in the last entry, in bits that i'd written after this part of the story, but this is where i was getting confused at all of that. I'm running with Tyrrhenian until i can get some concrete evidence otherwise.
    I walked along the Prom des Anglais for a ways, heading east. From a suggestion on one of those tourist web sites, i was heading toward Colline du Château, which is up in the hills, high above the city, and has spectacular views.
    I passed a fading painting on the ground for the 200th Anniversary Celebration of the Prom des Anglais. From the decay, i assumed it was a few years old, but then i noticed the date in the corner: 30-08-2024. Oh shit. I barely missed that party. That was the day i got to Tallinn.
    [Man these Long Islands are really good i'm gonna have another one]
    From where i stood, by the Prom des Anglais ground display, i could see what looked a bit like a wide, round castle turret halfway up the bluff. "I bet that's where my GPS is leading me," i told the camera, pointing, as i filmed a quick scene. "I see many stairs in my future," i continued, indicating the many staircases i could already see leading up to the turret.
    Once i got to the crosswalk leading to that staircase, however, i realized that Maps was actually asking me to go much further, and come around the back of the bluff, to a location which was quite a bit further inland. "Should i climb these stairs anyway, just for fun?" i asked my camera, fully accepting that i would probably have to come straight back down and then still go around the mountain to get to my actual destination. "I should climb these stairs for fun." So i did.
    I counted 214 stairs to reach the observation deck on the top of that tower, Tourre Bellanda, and every single one of them was worth it for that view. Over the edge of that tower, you can see for miles out into that unidentified sea - and miles inland, across the city of Nice, rising up into the mountains around it. The drizzle had stopped and the gray clouds were gone, replaced by pleasantly fluffy white ones. I stared for a long, long time.
    Effervescent.


    While i stood there, a noise rang out across the city that sounded like someone had lit off a single firework. Like one of those extremely loud, not very colorful ones that professional firework displays always shoot to let you know they're five minutes away from starting the show. Several people around me shouted, "Shit!" or "Jesus Christ!" or other exclamations of surprise, but i was barely startled. After living in Los Angeles for five years, i was just like, yeah, people shoot fireworks at the slightest provocation. It's a thing. I thought nothing more of it.
    In the middle of the platform at the top of the tower is a small, round bit of building, which might be a shack for a guard, or might be the exit to a staircase from within, i'm not sure. But it has some windows with iron bars across them, and a loop in the middle. On that loop in one window, i found several Love Locks. The one on the end was engraved, simply, with D + D. I took a picture and sent it to Drew and Deanna.
    I was about to leave when i noticed some fuckin' hipster setting up his large road case next to the small building, and pulling out what looked like one of those very, very old cameras, with the accordion-style extender for the lens. I didn't know what those kind of cameras are actually called, so i tried duckduckgoing "old camera with an accordion extender," and i think they are literally called "accordion cameras."
    His road case had a printed sign on it reading, "FREE PHOTO."
    I watched him using the camera to take a few candid shots of various tourists at the edge, and i was curious what he was doing. I took a few of my own sneaky candids of him, because who does this fuckin' hipster think he is? He's like 20.
    I went back to the edge of the tower, hoping to lure him in. I stood there for a few minutes, then turned back around, and caught him mid-photo. He had taken the bait. If i'd waited just a few seconds longer, i could've had him. He turned away from me, and went after someone else. Shit.
    I started to walk away, but i couldn't stand it. I needed to know what this guy was up to.
    He had returned to his road case, so i approached him directly.
    "Hey, i just need to know, what's the deal with all this?"
    "Free photo," he said. I do not think he knew very much English. I kept trying to find out WHY he was doing free photos, but he couldn't give me a satisfactory answer. He did show me his camera, though; the accordion is a facade, it's a Canon inside very much like my own.
    "Do you want one?" he finally asked.
    "Yes," i said. It's pretty rare for me to get photos taken by other people on this trip. In fact, i think the only other one is from when that random person got a shot of me with the bear statue in Tallinn, which was framed poorly and my selfies turned out better.
    I went back to the edge, and he took a shot of me looking at the sea. I returned to him at his road case, which included a printer, and he handed me a sheet of yellowed paper made up to look like an old newspaper. The title, L'ÉCHO AZURÉEN, emblazoned the top, and it included articles written in French. And there was my picture, right under the title, as though i were the headline story. A beautiful gimmick.
    He had a tray for tips sitting atop the case, and i dropped a few coins in. I'm just now realizing that this is where that €1 coin i had went, i had been looking for it later in the day and was concerned i couldn't find it, and worried about what else i may have lost during the day. I didn't lose anything, it was just already tipped to someone else, so it wasn't there when i wanted to tip later (In Part Two! Consider this a trailer! If i remember to follow up on this bit!).
    I knew there was no possible way i was going to get that paper back home undamaged, so i bit the bullet and folded it up and stuck it in an interior vest pocket.
    From here, i found there were more stairs i could take upward, and i did, not knowing where they would lead me.
    After another 161 stairs, bringing us to a total of 375 stairs up from the ground, i found myself at a public park, with a road leading in either direction. So i was on top of the bluff, but it didn't lead to any more cool points of interest, just a higher portion of the city. I wasn't sure if i should go back down, to continue toward my destination, but i really needed to pee, so i thought i'd see if this park had a salle de bain.
    There was a concession stand, so i thought maybe near that...but nope. A playground behind it had an old stone-and-mortar structure, but that turned out to be an electrical building. I kept walking.
    I found some amazing stone mosaic artwork in the ground depicting Odysseus's journey, including key plot points from The Odyssey. The images continued down a long staircase, where each stair was about two meters long and covered in mosaics of characters from the story, which led me to another observation deck overlooking a harbor and more of the city, from the other side of the hill. Nice is quite a bit larger than i expected.
    I tried putting directions to Colline du Château back into Maps, but from what it returned, i got the impression that the entire top of the hill here was Colline du Château. I managed to get it to give me walking directions again, though, which looked like it would lead me past public toilets. This was fortunate. I was in need.
    They were pay toilets, though, so i forewent the relief.
    Nearby, though, was an archaeological site, where some ruins were being excavated. There were several signs, although from them, i couldn't quite tell what it was that was being unearthed. Maybe an old church?
    A family of people got in my way at one of the informational signs, so i took the path off to their right, to see where it would lead me.
    It got me a closer look at the ruins, which was pretty nice.
    There were some ancient-looking stone benches on this obscure path, where very few people seemed to be treading. I had a seat on one. I recorded a quick video log about how "Amanda always sat on the ruins, so i will sit on the ruins, too." I was thinking about how, in Rome, we saw several old Roman columns that had fallen over and shattered into many pieces, and how she would always have a seat on one of them.
    Some of the ruins were up a hill from the walking path. There was a two-ish foot retaining wall around this small hill, but it looked like there were well-worn dirt paths leading up to the center of it, so i went ahead and jumped up that wall. I came to the middle of the ruins, standing next to a square pedestal surrounded by fragments of ancient walls.
    It was an interesting feeling, standing here. I don't know for sure that this was a church, but it might have been, and this pedestal could have held a baptismal. There's an energy here that i can't quite describe.
    Am i only saying that because i've had two Long Islands while writing this? Holy shit.
    I finally came to the bit that Google Maps considers to be Colline du Château. It's definitely just a fragment of a ruin, a little taller than the rest, so it has a unique vantage over the city. It's nice up there. I grabbed several more selfies and various shots.
    The base of this piece of ruin contains a café and several informational kiosks. One such board talks about the tradition of firing a cannon from Colline du Château at noon every day, so that everyone can set their clocks by it.
    I checked my watch. It was 12:45.
    That's definitely the firework-like noise i heard from the top of Tourre Bellanda, that had been about 45 minutes ago. Well, there's one mystery that i hadn't known was a mystery solved. If only i'd been aware of this tradition, i could've planned to record it somehow.
    I was thinking it might be time for lunch. One of the tourist articles i've been consulting suggested a place called Chez Theresa. It starts its description with, "The local cuisine is more than just Nicoise salads, y’know?," which got me curious about Nicoise salads. They're not mentioned anywhere else in the article, it just comes at you with this as if you know that Nice is known for these salads. It goes on to say that Chez Theresa is "One of the oldest socca shops in Nice," and describes socca as "a Niçois pizza-style snack made from chickpea flour and cooked in a huge stone oven." I love chickpeas. I'm down for this.
    Chez Theresa is closed on Mondays.
    I found another restaurant at the base of the bluff that was literally named "Socca," so i decided to make for that.
    On the way down the mountain, i came to a fork. Maps was leading me to the right, but i could hear the sounds of a waterfall off to the left. I followed the sound, and was rewarded with exactly what i hoped.
    There's a beautiful waterfall coming from the base of the ruins of Colline du Château. I assume that it's artificial, because i don't know where else the water would be coming from. It's remarkable; while i was at the top, i could hear a little bit of water flowing, but i guess i had assumed it was from some kind of a rain gutter, maybe still processing the morning's drizzle. I certainly had not expected this.
    It was beautiful. I stared at it for quite some time. A plaque beneath the waterfall indicated that it had been named a UNESCO World Heritage Site. The inscription on the plaque seems like it's designating the entire town of Nice, though; but if that's true, i'm not sure why they'd put it at this out-of-the-way waterfall, way up on a bluff. Even if it was meant for Colline du Château, this is hardly the most visible spot for that plaque.
    While i stood there, an elderly British man approached me and said, "You look like a photographer. Could you take our picture, please?"
    I definitely feel like Amanda's photographer aura has transferred to me since she's been gone. Then again, it may just be because i've got that R6m2 slung over my neck. Amanda always got this even when she was not holding a camera. She just looked like a photographer.
    There were four elderly British people in this group, i'm assuming two cishet married couples. One of the women then handed me her phone also. "You've got two hands, maybe you can do them both at the same time!" she said.
    And i did!
    I dual-wielded those British cell phones like an action hero with guns (which, by the way, absolutely does not work in real life). I think i did okay.
    "I've never seen that before, two cameras at once!" one of the other British people said as i handed the phones back.
    "I took a bunch, hopefully one is good!" i said, as i always do when someone asks me to take their photo. All of the British people seemed happy with my work.
    I continued down the mountain, going through narrow staircases that certainly seemed like they were leading onto private property between residential houses, but evidently they weren't.
    When i got where Maps was taking me, i could not find the restaurant. Something else was there, a Mediterranean place.
    I looked at the photos on Maps. Some of them were of the Mediterranean place currently occupying the spot. Others showed Socca...and it was clearly a completely different building. I looked around the area. None of these buildings looked like what i was seeing in the Socca pictures.
    There was no possible way i was going to find it. This establishment could be clear across the city. All i know is the address that Google Maps has is wrong.
    I searched for socca on Maps. A few other well-rated places came up.
    I ended up at Lou Pilha Leva, one of four highly-recommended restaurants named Lou. They had socca for €3 and Salade Niçoise for €11, so i got both. The socca turned out to be similar to a crêpe, but made with chickpeas. The salad had a shredded meat on it, but i couldn't quite identify it. It tasted chicken-ish, but with a weird tang to it...maybe tuna? And not the kind of tuna i generally like? It was alright. I didn't eat the olives, even though they were kalamatas, the one olive i don't mind so much.
    Their only seating was picnic table-style, so i ended up sitting in an empty space between an apparent American tourist man, who did not speak to me, and a cute goth woman with tattoos across her entire forearms and facial piercings, and probably her mother. I wish i wish i WISH i could talk to people. The goth smiled at me, and i smiled back, but that was the extent of our interaction.
    [The bar is closed, i cannot get another Long Island. That's okay, i've probably had enough, i'm being too candid here]
     The food was pretty good! Definitely would not mind having socca again, i hope i remember to look up some recipes later. I'm not 100% sure what makes a Niçoise salad "Niçoise," though. Maybe the oil??
    My plan had been to head to La Crypte Archéologique de Nice from here. Atlas Obscura says, "The construction of a tram line unveiled hidden remnants of the old medieval city," which sounds pretty interesting. Unfortunately, it is only open on Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, so that's out for today.
    There's only one more Atlas Obscura location that's within the city. I went for La Tête Carrée Library, an enormous statue of a human bust, except that the head from the lips up is replaced with a giant cube, and inside that cube is a library.
    This landmark exists on the grounds of the Nice Museum of Modern Art, which is temporarily closed for remodeling. I passed through a cool park on the way there, which included a segment of playground shaped like a whale, plus bits that looked like big octopuses with springy, rideable animals below them. I watched an elderly lady ride one of the animals while her husband filmed her.
    The park also includes a 1:1 scale bronze replica of Michelangelo's David, which is at least the second replica David i've seen on this trip.
    The blockhead library, titled "Thinking Inside the Box," seemed to be entirely enclosed within the construction fencing around the grounds of the Modern Art Museum. I circled the fence as much as i could, though, and came to a door within a concrete block building, just underneath the bust.
    The door was locked. From the signage, i gathered that this was the administrative offices of the Nice Central Library, not the entrance to the actual building.
    Doesn't look like i'm getting into that blockhead on this trip.
    Alright. I could see two choices from here. There's a museum dedicated to artist Henri Matisse here in Nice, his home for 40+ years, which might be cool; single-artist focused museums seem to be largely my jam. Hell, at least i'm aware of Matisse; i went to the Paul Klee museum without having ever heard his name before. I would probably really enjoy a Matisse museum. OR, i could go see the Atlas Obscura museum that interested me the most, out of the  five possible options: Cunégonde et Malabar, the home of an eccentric artist far out in the mountains on the edge of Nice, "excessively decorated with found objects and work of his own." It seems really interesting. It's an hour by bus from here.
    I chose the vanilla extract/i'm bald/secret third option.
    One of those tourism web sites recommended Musée Terre Amata, a museum dedicated to and on the actual site of a 1960s archaeological dig here in Nice which unearthed some of the oldest-known traces of civilization, dating from 400,000 years ago. Now THAT is incredibly interesting.
    As i was walking toward the museum, i was suddenly struck by an idea. The Matisse museum would be closing in an hour, i'd basically already missed that, and surely i wasn't heading to some weirdo's house in the mountains this close to dark. Ergo, i'd mostly exhausted the lists of things to do in Nice. There's always more things to do, of course, in any city. I could look up more things to do for days, weeks even. The French Riviera is supposed to run through here, although i can't find it on a map. Maybe i'm illiterate.
    I could hitch a train to Monaco and walk around Monte Carlo at night. It's only a twenty minute train ride, and it departs thrice per hour. Like Matisse, Musée Terre Amata closes at 5, so even if i spend the maximum amount of time there, i'd still have plenty of time to get to Monaco before sunset.
    The museum was entirely in French. I think this is the first museum i've gone to that did not also have English translations readily available. The clerk, an elderly woman with a second office chair for her Pomeranian to sleep in, had handed me an English guide, but it was more of an explanation for the whole museum, rather than an exhibit-by-exhibit translation.
    There was a staircase to my right upon entry, with a sign indicating that i should ascend, but i assumed it meant i should do that after i'd seen what was directly before me.
    I worked my way slowly through the ground floor, which contained a huge, room-filling slab of the original dig site, which this building is constructed around. An interactive touchscreen pointed out the interesting facets of this rock, explaining the earliest known evidence of humans in the Nice area.
    Other displays along the walls showed some of the items excavated from the site. I took my time and tried to read as much of it as i could, and actually did pretty well on the first few displays, before things got complicated. In the back corner, there was a glass wall, which showed a room full of filing cabinets. I assumed this was where the other archaeological samples are stored for continuing research. In the space between them was a wire figure in the shape of a man with a stuffed boar on his back, attacking him. How do i know it's a man? Because this is a French museum, they took the time to form genitals.
    I was across the room from that initial staircase, tucked into a nook, examining a reproduction of a primitive lean-to with more metal wire human figures inside, when the noise of dozens of schoolchildren clattering down a stairway filled the large, echoey space. As usual, i tried to ignore it, and go about my business. Moments later, i realized that a museum guide was standing next to me, explaining the exhibit.
    I turned slowly, as if in a slasher movie, right at that moment where an expendable character realizes the monster is behind them, and the audience gets their first good look at the creature.
    All thirty or fifty feral hogs feral children were sitting cross-legged on the floor, blocking all possible exits.
    Deer, meet headlights. Frozen. What do. I am not part of the educational curriculum. I know i haven't showered in a few days and i'm wearing dirty clothes and my hair is uncivilized, but i am not a prehistoric man.
    I casually worked my way around the right side, nearly hugging the wall, and made eye contact with two little girls sitting at the edge of the sea of students. They scooted close enough to their nearby classmates to allow me to slip by. I got into an open pocket of floor, back near their teachers/chaperones.
    This was the opposite side of the room as where i'd come from. The passageway around the main dig site rock was roped off. The children were blocking my point of origin. The only way i could go was up the staircase that they'd just come down from.
    I quietly began the climb, got about two thirds of the way up, and realized i was walking into a classroom. It was filled with chairs of that unmistakeable rounded elementary school design, desks all pointed toward a dry erase board at the front.
    I came back down the stairs, but there was nowhere else to go. It was either try the stairs again, and hope there was something beyond that classroom, or cozy up to a teacher and see if they want to talk about Nutella or marmalade.
    I chose the former.
    There was a hidden hallway a sharp right from the staircase, behind the classroom. This got me into the exhibits displaying the actual artifacts that have been excavated here.
    The skulls on display were all moldings made from the originals, but there were many genuine teeth from 400,000 year old humans, which is a bit wild to think about. Some of their tools were also on display. This settlement includes the earliest known evidence of humans domesticating fire (ie, having hearths in their homes).
    Some animal bones from the species these humans hunted were also on display, including aurochs. For my second vulnerable admission of illiteracy today, until this moment, i actually thought aurochs were fictional?? Turns out they were real??? Extinct now, but definitely did exist.
    One of the last fossils i saw before leaving was a cast of a footprint left 400 millenia ago. Just incredible. Someone walked someplace once, and the human race never forgot about it for eons.
    Just outside of the museum, there were three modern boot prints in the concrete curb on the street. Really makes you think.
    My watch battery was at 7%, so i decided to head back to the hostel to grab its charger before leaving the city. On the way, i saw a large, deep blue statue of a lion, which looked awesome. I pulled out my phone and took some pictures, naturally. As i was looking through them, i noticed i had a notification from the Eurail app. Why would i have a notification from Eurail? That's suspicious.
    Oh.
    There's a rail strike in France, beginning tomorrow.
    Modified timetables will be published shortly. We're sorry for the inconvenience.
    Oh god.
    I have been having enough trouble figuring out how i'm going to get to Barcelona. This is yet another wrench in that machine. I hope it doesn't affect me too badly.
    To be clear, i stand with the striking workers, always.
    I'm just hoping this doesn't leave me stuck in Nice tomorrow.

---

So it turns out the Riviera isn't a river, it's the whole coast of that sea? Fuck, i *AM* illiterate.

2024-09-29

Day 47: Milan

Sunday, September 29

Coming to Milan was a mistake.
    Yesterday had turned out mostly disappointing, in almost every way. Truly, i'd have had the best time if i had just spent the whole day at the Leonardo da Vinci Museum of Science and Technology.
    It is, of course, my fault. I hope that's understood every time i make this type of complaint. It's not that Milan sucks, it's that i failed to plan adequately, and was unable to successfully do so on the fly. Sometimes i can make the most of flying by the seat of my pants, sometimes i cannot. This was one of the times when i could not.
    But the main reason Milan was a mistake is just because it's so far east. At this point in the voyage, i should've just been heading south.
    If i'd gone to Milan two days sooner, as initially planned, maybe it would have been fine. Or if i'd cut my losses and let Milan go, along with the non-refundable money for that hostel, i could've done something more productive. If i had planned further ahead, maybe from Geneva, i'd have gone straight to Andorra. The extra time could have made that possible.
    And then from Andorra, maybe i could've made it to Portugal. Maybe i could've made it to the antipodes of New Zealand, which...i guess i did not write about in the prologue part of this journal??? I swear i had. It must have been in a Facebook post i made before the trip. I'd find that Facebook post right now if i weren't going through a tunnel.
    But here i am, and i must make the best it. I came to Europe to force myself to regain my ability to think on my feet, solve problems in my own unique way, and do the best i can with what i have when i have it, all of which were some of my strongest skills when i was a complete person, and which boy howdy i sure would like to have again.
    I finalized my plans while i was eating the hostel's included free breakfast, which is...well, it's free.
    I'm going to Nice.
    I really want to see Cannes, which is not far from there. I'd also love to see Monaco, which is about as close, but in the other direction. Cannes is almost non-negotiable.
    There are plenty of available hostels in Nice, and they're pretty cheap, compared to what i've been getting. So that shouldn't be a problem.
    The only problem is, the route i've selected is gonna have a couple of tight layovers to make. My experience with the trains running on time has been better on this trip than it was in 2013, but not perfect. One of these transfers is only 14 minutes. That is not comfortable.
    Given the situation with Bern and Milan, i elected to wait and book the hostel after i've made that transfer, just in case i don't make it. This means i'll be making the booking less than two hours before i'd be checking in. I really hope that's okay.
    Plan is two nights in Nice. I'll get in late tonight, the 29th, have all day the 30th to explore Nice, and then hopefully i can take a train to Cannes early - "early" - the morning of the 1st and have a day to explore there. Then, on to Barcelona.
    I haven't put all the pieces of this "brilliant" plan together yet, so i'm just. Hoping.

I'm walking around with my backpack again today, heavy as it is, because the hostel is so far away from the train station that it wouldn't make sense to go back for it later. I'll be leaving out of a different station than i arrived, which is much further to the north east. I came in at Garibaldi, i'm leaving from Lambrate.
    There's not much left on the Atlas Obscura that i particularly care about.
    Seems like the biggest tourist draw in Milan is the Duomo, the Milan Cathedral. Pictures of this thing look absolutely buck wild, and i've read that the view from the top is a must-see.
    I started walking, though it was not lost on me that i was headed toward a huge cathedral first thing on a Sunday morning. I didn't know whether i'd even be able to get in at all, and if i could, if i would be battling huge crowds in their Sunday best. But, i figured i'd deal with it when i got there.
    Walking up to the cathedral from the back, i was struck by its unfathomable immensity. This thing is bigger than the whale Moby Dick, kind of like how my log is now longer than the book Moby Dick. I waited a long time to say i'd broken Moby Dick-length, i'm gonna freakin' say it. Breaking Moby Dick-length was my white whale.
    This is how you know you're reading a first draft.
    But seriously, i cannot overstate the immensity of this thing. 108 meters tall, 158.6 meters long, and 92 meters wide, with 135 individual spires and a maximum capacity of 40,000 people, it took almost 600 years to build the thing. It's the third-largest church in the world, the biggest in Italy, larger even than Saint Peter's Basilica in the Vatican. Construction began in 1386, and was considered complete in 1965. It's mostly built of brick, but all of that is covered in Candoglia marble. The entirety of the outside surface is decorated with sculptures. Taken as a whole, it is truly one of the most intricate works of art ever conceived by mankind.


    And if i'm being fully honest about it...
    I found it revolting.
    I go to a lot of these churches and cathedrals and such, and i marvel at the artistry on display. It really is impressive, i'm in awe of the craft on display here. But, two things can be true, and the second is that i don't think this kind of consolidation of wealth is true to the spirit of any god. 600 years of collecting offerings from Milan's poor, from accepting giant monetary gifts from the fabulously wealthy, from evading taxes which could have enriched the community. For this monument to opulence.
    I didn't go inside. I'm always hesitant to pay to enter a cathedral at all, on principle, but i've ponied up €5 or 10 occasionally as the situation demands. This cathedral was asking €30, just to enter, and (i think) another €27 if you wanted to take the elevator up to the roof. That may have been if you only did the elevator to the roof and not the cathedral, i'm not sure, and stairs may or may not have been included with the regular entry fee.
    Of course, i have been to churches in Italy before; i'm aware that there are a number of modesty rules in effect that you must adhere to before entry. In Venice in 2013, to visit Saint Mark's, Amanda was made to purchase two modesty shawls, one for her sinful exposed legs and the other for her heretical bare shoulders. I, as a man, was allowed to walk inside wearing shorts. I was angry about it, and ready to bounce, but Amanda accepted it as the cost of entry, and really wanted to go inside. So she bought the shawls.
    After the tour, they had the audacity to ask for the things they'd forced her to purchase back, but she kept them. We'd made a plan to ritualistically burn them when we got home, but we never got around to it, which makes me sad now. I should do that when i get home, and film it for this video project.
    The Milan Duomo does not allow men to go inside wearing shorts. I guess i could've zip the legs back on, which probably constitutes a serious fashion violation at this point, since the shorts are so badly sunbleached that they look brownish gray, while the legs retain their deep blue color. I didn't really want to, though. Also, my backpack wasn't allowed. Another symbol crossed out a camera on a tripod, so i'm unclear if cameras aren't allowed at all, or just tripods, but i remember Saint Mark's disallowing photography and video, so probably all of the above.
    I stood in the courtyard in front of the cathedral with several thousand other tourists for a moment, wondering what to do now, since walking through this church was the only real plan i had for today. Looking at the front doors, off to the left, there was a huge arch, similar in scale to L'Arc de Triomphe. Maybe i'd walk through that, and see where i ended up.
    The arch seemed uncharacteristically deep. I soon realized it wasn't simply an arch at all, it was the entrance to a large building. And then i realized, not only was it a building, it was something else from that tourist guide i had been reading. I'd entered the Grand Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, one of the bougiest shopping malls in the entire world.
    [I'm gonna make a note here that, at this point in the writing, i have arrived at my hostel in Paris and i've been drinking Long Islands. The commentary may become adjusted in unpredictable ways]
    This is a mall that looks like a cathedral. Created in 1877 by Guiseppe Mengoni, it's one of the oldest shopping malls in the world. Its four wings, in cruciform, contain stores for high-end brands like Gucci, Prada, Versace, and Rolex, all existing under a high, domed glass ceiling, to bathe all the shoppers in natural sunlight.
    Milan, the fashion capital of the world.
    I had kind of wanted to check this place out, for the superb architecture, but for some reason i had thought it was closed today. Guess i was wrong.
    Right at the mouth of the mall, closest to the church, i saw a gelato shop. I wove my way through the crowd to answer its sirens call, only to find that a large glass door was down across the thing. However, as i approached, the glass door began to rise. I was just in time to see them open.
    I headed into the corrals to start the queue. Four other tourists followed me.
    Two women came out to the front of the shop, wiping down the glass surfaces, and addressed us first in Italian, then in English, "It's not open yet! Please step back!"
    I started to make for the exit to the queue, to leave, because i didn't feel like waiting around for gelato, while everyone else backed up into the corrals. But just before i got out, i realized, why? I've got nowhere else to be. And don't i want the prestige of getting the first scoop of the day from the gelato shop at the Grand Galleria Vittorio Emanuelle II? Also, don't i want a good gelato experience in Italy before i leave, after the travesty that happened yesterday?
    I do.
    I took my rightful spot at the head of the line.
    That line started filling in behind us. People wanted their gelato.
    When they finally opened up, i got a "Normale" size scoop of hazelnut chocolate, in a paper dish, so that it couldn't bleed on me this time.
    I stepped off into a side hallway to consume my bounty.
    Yes.
    Yes, this is what i wanted from genuine Italian gelato.
    Mmm.
    Pure bliss.
    Once it was gone, i finished walking through the mall. So many expensive brand stores. And then there was a book shop at the other end, which seemed pretty normal.
    Coming out the other side, i found myself in Piazza della Scala, a courtyard around a large statue of Leonardo da Vinci. I had a seat, and consulted my lists to see what else to do. I wanted to keep moving in the direction of Milano Lambrate, so i was looking for something to the northeast.
    The "Quadrilatero del Silenzio" was on one of the tourist guides, and i thought that might be interesting for a few minutes. I plugged it into my GPS, and made my way there.
    The article had given me the impression that i'd be coming to a park that had pink flamingos, a rare sight in Italy, though they would be in a gated area beyond my reach. It sounded like the Quadrangle of Silence would be a nice, quiet place to rest for a bit, and observe the birds.
    GPS led me to the gate of an apartment building, with a courtyard garden in the middle. All i could see through the gate was a twoish-foot-high cement barrier with some plants on top of it, and the front of someone's car.
    Thinking the building itself was the Quadrangle of Silence, i walked all the way around it, finding no further gates. Just the one. Which i could see no flamingos or anything of note through.
    I'd passed through a small garden park just across the street from this building, though. I returned there, and looked around. Every building coming off of this park had one of those gates facing the center. And every building had weird architecture, featuring plenty of statues and sculptures. I wondered if this entire square was the Quadrangle of Silence.
    I checked the article again. Upon re-reading, i got the impression that the Quadrangle is actually this whole neighborhood, and the flamingos are not the entire appeal. It makes note of the quirky architecture, buildings with secret gardens, and sculptures abound.
    Another thing it mentions is the "huge ear-shaped bronze doorbell," a description that i recognized from an Atlas Obscura article, The Bronze Ear of Casa Sola-Busca. Since it was mentioned by a tourism article, and since i was evidently pretty close, i decided to grab those GPS coordinates and head on over, having given up on seeing any flamingos through the gates to any of these secret gardens. Since these were all active apartment buildings, private residences, i was feeling weird about being here and filming stuff again, just like with the Wooden House District in Oslo and Rue Crémieux (the Instagram street) in Paris.
    Just a few blocks away, i found the flamingos.
    They were behind a wrought-iron gate, with plenty of trees obscuring them, in a concrete pond. Clearly the private collection of a rich person, which is what i'd expected anyway. Despite the sub-optimal conditions for viewing the birds, they had attracted a dozen or so onlookers anyway, including a family with small kids, and someone with a much more serious camera setup than mine.
    Well, now i've seen flamingos in Italy.
    It was hardly the relaxing park experience i was expecting. I have no idea how this made it onto a list of top things to do in Milan on a busy tourist website. This definitely seems like it should be more of an Atlas Obscura article, and probably not a very popular one, at that.
    The Bronze Ear of Casa Sola-Busca was installed on the front door of an early-modern building in 1930. The ear contains one of the first intercom systems, so that visitors to the house can announce themselves into the ear, and the message will be relayed into the house. The ear remained in use after the original owners moved out, but more recent tenants have had it disconnected, annoyed by the number of curious passers-by who have come to yell nonsense into it.
    I got my pic and moved along.
    Palazzo Berri-Meregalli is also very near to the ear. I knew this one was closed today, but from the article, it seemed like it would still be worthwhile to see from the outside. Built between 1911-13, it's a conglomeration of several mismatched styles of different eras, including gothic, Art Nouveau, and ancient Roman loggia, the sides of the building sport gargoyles, other strange sculptures, and a seemingly unending barrage of esoteric details.
    The front door is an iron gate, so you can look into the main passage. At the end, a strange installation of what seems to be a woman's disembodied head with fluttering wings growing from the back of the neck stands on a post, the face frozen in an enigmatic expression. Is she orgasming? Is she in pain? Is she having an existential crisis? All of the above and more?
    Who can say?
    No seriously, somebody please give me the answers, i need them for science.
    Since my reading comprehension has evidently gone to hell, either simply because i've read so many of these articles and been to so many places in the last few weeks that it all has blurred together and i can't keep everything straight in my mind, or because my brain is damaged and porous from being nearly 40 years old, riddled with grief and depression, and having had Covid four times, i thought this building was supposed to be a library. Nope! Another private residence! A very strange apartment building, in fact, so all of these people looked at the gargoyles and the disembodied pain orgasm face and said, yeah. Feels like home.
    I mean. Yeah i would, too, probably.
    The "opening hours" listed are because they do raise the gate and let the looky-loos come in and check out the lobby, with its strange naked angel statues and paintings that stretch across the ceiling, none of which i could see from outside the gate.
    12:45. Three hours until my train. I gave myself two more objectives: Albergo Diurno Venezia, and finding some good Italian food to see me off.
    Albergo Diurno Venezia is an abandoned underground bathhouse and barber shop built under Piazza Oberdan between 1923-25. Literally right beneath a busy street intersection, the bathhouse used to be accessible from a door off of the nearby subway exit. The Atlas Obscura article was written in 2015, and mentions recently-begun restoration work. Since it's been nine years, i had no idea what i was going to walk into. Would it be fully restored and back in business? Would it have been re-abandoned? Would it be open to tourists in its decayed state, as a curiosity? Would i be able to access it at all, without breaking in? Would i break in?
    I probably would not break in. Not without a local guide.
    I arrived at the intersection, not really sure where to go from there.
    I sat down on the steps of a square building with Roman columns that was otherwise surrounded by temporary construction fencing, unsure if this building was, in fact, the subway entrance. Since the Atlas Obscura article wasn't giving me much more than the GPS coordinates to the center of that busy intersection, i tried Googling "Albergo Diurno Venezia," and got a Wikipedia page, of all things.
    That article had a lot of pictures, some of which were the same ones from Atlas Obscura, and went through the history of the original construction, up to the more recent excavation and restoration plans. It was fully excavate of the decades of rubble and trash by volunteers in 2014, and restoration plans were beginning in 2015...
    And then the Wikipedia article ends, with a final sentence saying that guided tours are available once a month through a third party.
    The link to the booking site to get a tour was entirely in Italian, but i did not get the impression that it was actually about Albergo Diurno Venezia at all. Now that i'm on my laptop and i can translate it...yeah, that's accurate, it doesn't mention the location at all, and it's not even the same third party that's mentioned in the article. That party's web site link on Wikipedia goes to an archive.org link that hasn't been snapshotted since November 2016.
    So i didn't think i had any chance of getting in there.
    I went down into the subway anyway, and found a ridiculously huge, empty room, similar to the liminal spaces of the other subway stations, but without the high cathedral ceilings. With its standard ten-foot ceiling, this one just looks like a school cafeteria consumed the rest of the school.
    Stazione Porta Venezia had plenty of unmarked, locked doors and blocked-off gates, it would have been impossible to determine which held the secret bathhouse without extensive research, which i was not invested enough to do. Maybe in a few years, i'll plan another trip around Europe focused on sneaking into hidden spaces, after i've gained some experience in America and earned the trust of a few established online urbex groups. Assuming i ever do that. What with all the other niche hyperfocuses i already don't have time for.
    I came up from that subway station quite far from where i'd entered, maybe two whole city blocks, it was so expansive. It was unplanned, but fortunately, it was two blocks in the correct direction.
    With no further specific objectives, i set my GPS for Milan Lambrate, and kept an eye out for a good-looking restaurant on the way. I didn't want to search Google for highly-rated restaurants this time, that didn't work out the best yesterday. I just wanted to find a more hole-in-the-wall, mom and pop-looking place and try my luck.
    Sleppa didn't quite fit that bill, but it had a fun atmosphere, with bright colors and original cartoon characters on the walls. I made eye contact with the waitress, and she swooped outside to seat me immediately. Guess i'm eating here.
    I had been hoping for pasta. She handed me the menu, and it turned out this was exclusively a pizza place. I can roll with that. Genuine Italian pizza, sure, let's go.
    The trouble was that so many of the pizzas on the menu looked absolutely incredible. They did have a salmon pizza, i considered it carefully, figuring that if anyone could make this work, it would be the Italians. But the memory of the French salmon pizza was still fresh enough that i thought i should try something different. The Passionale looked up my alley, a truffle salami pizza. Or the Pistacchiosa, a pizza with pistachio cream and pistachio granola? Interesting.
    I ordered Mon Amour, a piza with cream of zucchini, fiordilatte, zucchini scapece, and parmigiano reggiano chips. The price, once again, seemed to indicate this was a personal pizza. Just like every other pizza i've ordered on this trip.
    I swear they just keep getting bigger.
    Good lord was it delicious though. This is definitely among the very best pizzas i've ever had in my life, no exaggeration. I'd love to go back to that pizza place every day and try everything on their menu, if i could.
    Plus the waitress was cute and kinda flirty and i'm receptive to that right now.
    I ate the whole pizza with no regrets. I knew it was likely my last meal for the day.
    I made it to the train station and up to my platform with 45 minutes to wait.
    And then.
    I got on the wrong train.
    A different train, which was running late, pulled in at that platform just a couple minutes before mine was supposed to. It wasn't labeled. I walked in, even though i noted many people were still holding back on the platform, hoping that the monitors inside would confirm this was, in fact, the train to Genova Principe. The monitors did not state a destination, but the train's ID number was wrong. This happens sometimes, they don't always match.
    The train started moving. I hadn't sat down. I ended up standing near a door, watching a monitor, which indicated the next stop was Milano Rogoredo. This was consistent with the itinerary that i had for the train i needed.
    The conductor came through. I flagged her down.
    "Is this the train to Genova?" i asked, showing her my phone.
    "No," she answered. "You need to switch at..." and she named a couple of options, but i didn't process them.
    Fuck. Shit.
    I was already on a tight schedule for transfers with this route anyway. Twenty-six minutes to make the change at Genova, then a mere 14 at Ventimiglia. If i missed either of those, i was probably not going to make it to Nice tonight.
    I'd already approached the situation with that possibility in mind, though, since that 14 minute transfer is kind of terrifying. I had not booked a hostel in Nice yet.
    There were plenty of available options, though, so i didn't expect any trouble with that. I planned to make the booking as soon as i was safely on the last train, in Ventimiglia.
    Since i knew that both this train and my train stopped at Milano Rogoredo, i jumped off there. My route was scheduled to get there six minutes later, so i had that much time to try and figure out which track it would be coming in on. The platform did have a monitor showing the next few arrivals on that track, but my train was not among them.
    I was trying to get through the crowd and down off of the platform, hoping to find a departure board, when the main monitor over the platform changed. It had not shown any information for the train i'd just gotten off of, just like the platform at Milano Lambrate hadn't. But what came up next was exactly what i was looking for.
    Thank Dio.
    The train pulled in exactly on time, and i boarded.
    This train had just the worst toilet, i swear to god.
    We did start getting behind schedule soon enough, though. By the time we reached Genova, we were 16 minutes late. Eight minutes to make the transfer.
    I barreled down the stairs into the tunnel between tracks. We'd come in on track 16 or 18, i don't know for sure. There was a departure monitor just a couple doors down. There was my train, listed as platform 11. Perfect. That's like, right here.
    I got up on to the platform and...had plenty of time to stand in the crowd and wait. The train hadn't arrived yet.
    It was right on time, though. So yeah, if my first train had gotten much later...definitely would have missed this.
    Until it got dark, i had beautiful views of the Ligurian Sea right out the window. Or the Tyrrhenian Sea. Or Balearic. Or is this just all the Mediterranean? Every map and article i check tells me something different. I cannot figure out where those seas actually diverge.
    It might be like nesting dolls. The Ligurian might be a part of the Tyrrhenian, which might be part of the Mediterranean. Like this sea has provinces. I don't know, i'm bad at geography.
    This train also was a bit slow. I was anxiously checking every few stops to see what time we were actually at them versus what time we were meant to be.  At one point, we were 11 minutes behind schedule. Which would leave me three minutes to make my last transfer. Google Maps was not giving me a platform number.
    Fortunately, somehow we picked up some of those missing minutes, and made Ventimiglia only four minutes late. Ten minutes was plenty of time to find my platform and get on the train to Nice.
    I walked all the way down to the very end of the train before i found a car that was split half and half between first and second class. I'd walked by literally four completely empty cars to get here. The other two trains had been entirely second class. There was only one other person in first class. Some more got on as we went, but overall, it was a quiet ride.
    The train passed through Monaco, but i didn't know it until i was already in France. Too bad, it sucks i didn't get to put boots on the ground in Monaco, but at least i could've taken a blurry and useless photo of the street lights at night through the window. Something to be like, hey, i was in Monaco once!
    I had a very pleasant walk through Nice at night. It's a pretty city, there are palm trees and cactuses, but i could tell right away that it's very touristy. This is definitely one of those summer hot spots, what with all the beaches and everything.
    My hostel, Villa Saint Exupery Beach, has fascinating geometry and even more interesting decoration. There are two lion statues, about waist-high, guarding the door to my room. The bar has a second story, which includes a cutout section of floor where there is a net you can lounge in, with your butt hanging over everyone on the ground floor. The house special is a Long Island, so i grabbed one of those, and got to work on my log.
    They did kick us all out of the common room at midnight, though, which i haven't experienced at a hostel before, so i took a break, and figured i'd finish up the log the next day. As i just have.

2024-09-28

Day 46: Milan

Saturday, September 28

From my room on the second floor, it's quiet enough that, once i got to bed, it was easy enough to forget i was above that wild party bar.
    I reached down to lift the toilet seat. Is that...blood? i thought, moving my hand to a spot further from the substance. I made the lift.
    Oh. No, that's vomit. It's all around the rim of the bowl, the edge of the wastebasket, and the walls on both sides of the stall, even fringing the bottom edge of the sign next to the toilet brush that says, "Hey you! Please keep me clean for the next buddy that's coming!"
    Went back to my locker to retrieve clean clothes for the day. Reached into my backpack, under the dirty clothes bag...which had some kind of goo all over it. What fresh hell is this, now?
    The lid to my detergent has cracked. I have loose laundry sauce in my bag.
    Welp. Guess the detergent is going into the bag with the dirty laundry for now. Maybe i can find some tape later and seal that up.
    So that's the type of day it's gonna be.

I decided to start my day off by seeing Leonardo da Vinci's vineyard. From my hostel, QUO Milan, it would be 25 minutes by public transit, or a 45 minute walk. Of course, i thought a 3.3 kilometer walk first thing in the morning would be a good way to get the ol' blood flowing, plus i could see a bit of the city.
    One of da Vinci's best-known paintings, The Last Supper, was commissioned by Duke Ludovico Sforza, who gifted this small vineyard to da Vinci in appreciation for accepting the job. At 60 x 175 meters, it was just large enough for 16 plants. As his family had been winemakers for generations, da Vinci valued the gift greatly, and took pride in taking care of the land. It's just across the street from the Basilica of Santa Maria delle Grazie, where the famous fresco was painted; da Vinci would often retire to the vineyard after a long day working on the piece.
    Today, the vineyard is supposed to be accessible through the rooms of Casa degli Atellani, one of the few remaining Renaissance-era buildings that has not been altered.
    On the way there, i accidentally stumbled upon a statue called L.O.V.E., which i recognized from paging through Atlas Obscura. Even if i hadn't, i probably would've stopped and at least taken a picture, because this one stands out.
    L.O.V.E. is a statue of a giant hand with the middle finger extended. In fact, the other fingers have been severed. It has been placed in the middle of Piazza Affari, right outside the headquarters building of the Italian Stock Exchange.


    The name, L.O.V.E., stands for Libertà, Odio, Vendetta, Eternià (Freedom, Hate, Vengeance, Eternity). Artist Maurizio Cattelan has never publicly commented on its meaning, but as it was erected in 2010, many have suspected it to be a response to the 2008 financial crisis. It's also been noted that, if the other fingers weren't severed, it would resemble the famous fascist salute.
    I arrived outside of  Santa Maria delle Grazie not long after, but i seemed to have walked past da Vinci's vineyard? I walked back and forth a couple times, but i wasn't seeing it. I was at the correct coordinates. I was at the correct physical address. But i wasn't seeing it, or Casa degli Atellani.
    I hit Street View on Google Maps. Sure enough, it was showing a large window with the inscription "da Vinci's Vineyard" on a building right in front of me. The configuration of the windows matched, the bricks, everything...it's the same building, except now all of the glass was frosted, and there were no words identifying the building. The door had a handle marked "Push," so i did. It was locked. I did find an informational sign, in the style of other "historic Milan" signs i'd seen, giving a quick blurb about Casa degli Atellani, but it yielded no further information on what was going on or where else i might enter.
    Guess i will not be seeing da Vinci's vineyard on this trip.
    Well, the museum's supposed to be close to here. This one is not an Atlas Obscura location, so i didn't have GPS coordinates. I searched "da Vinci museum" in Maps, and the first thing to come up was Leonardo's Last Supper Museum, directly across the street.
    Huh.
    That's probably worth seeing, while i'm here.
    I walked over to it, and a security guard stood at the entrance to the queue. There was a posted sign saying that all entrance times were sold out for today.
    Well. That sucks, but i didn't know about this museum until just a couple minutes before, so i could probably live without it.
    I pressed on to the Leonardo da Vinci Museum of Science and Technology.
    The description of the museum that i had from the tourism web site that recommended it had suggested that the museum would showcase modern technologies, as well as works by The Man himself. So i had expected some kind of mixing of the two, perhaps a throughline of how da Vinci's works influenced what came after and how we've built upon his ideas. As with other museums i've visited on this trip, i expected to spend about two hours here.
    After buying my ticket, which was a mere €10, a pleasant surprise, i followed the yellow arrows toward the "suggested route," rather than the "quick route." I first found myself in an exhibit on combustion engines, beginning with a room dominated by one which measured 14,450 meters long by 6,650 meters wide by 3,870 meters tall, known as the Regina Margherita Thermal Power Plant. Commissioned in 1895, it powered 1,800 looms at a silk workshop.
    The exhibit contained many more specialty engines from across the centuries, until i abruptly found myself in a section about modern recycling and waste disposal. No transition, no indication that the subject was about to change, just whiplash.
    The museum went on like this. The history of steel, colors, food science. It's a really nice museum and overall i was enjoying the presentation of everything, but i was feeling my day slipping away, and i had not yet seen a single thing related to Leonardo da Vinci. I couldn't remember what time i had entered the museum, but the first time i thought to myself, okay, i should get a move on, let's find the da Vinci stuff, i checked my watch, and it was 12:30.
    I had been carefully going through the exhibits, reading everything. I learned a lot about the history of combustion engines. It was time to start skimming.
    It was 1:30 when i ascended the staircase into the da Vinci exhibit. Finally, the thing i came here for! The exhibit diverged in two ways. Arbitrarily, i chose left.
    There was a lot of cool stuff, and, again, the presentation was very high-quality, but it still wasn't what i was looking for. Everything, every single thing, in the da Vinci exhibit, was replicas. Models that were constructed from da Vinci's blueprints between 1953-57. None of "The Man's" original works were on display. The closest it came to original works was a gallery filled with paintings by da Vinci's imitators, calling themselves the Leonardeschi. The room was dominated by a version of The Last Supper painted by Giovan Mauro della Rovere, aka Fiammenghino, completed in 1626, with an interpretation more in line with the baroque period.
    Suddenly i was in space.
    There was, again, no indication that this was about to happen. After the paintings, i went through a room with curved walls and scenes from da Vinci's sketchbooks being projected on them in motion, and once i exited the back of the curve...space.
    There was also an exhibit on the natural world, including the way we pollute it, and one on the history of telecommunications. After that, all i could find was an unlabeled staircase leading down.
    The space exhibit was cool, but of course i would think that. Very relevant to my interests. Some notable items in the collection are a piece of the Friendship Rock, which was collected by Gene Cernan on the final moon walk in 1972, broken down, and gifted to other nations as a sign of goodwill; a Soviet dog space suit; and a space suit from Russia's scuttled moon landing program. After Americans first landed on the moon in 1969, Russia quietly ended their efforts, having never officially announced they were working toward a moon landing. They destroyed everything, so that it could never be proven they were even trying. However, this space suit somehow survived, one of the last bits of evidence that Russia ever had a moon landing program.
    Okay. I'd sure like to see the rest of the da Vinci exhibit, though. The only way i could find was to go straight back through everything i just saw, and return to that junction.
    Going right brought me through several short exhibits, with more replicas of da Vinci's designs, including a large collection of his war machines. There was also one on the things he collected, including bones. One case contained a human skull, though it did not specify if it was real.
    Alright. How do i get out?
    It was now 2:30.
    I went back down the stairs that i'd climbed to get to da Vinci in the first place, but that just left me at the food science exhibit. Did i really have to go back through everything, all of it, that i'd already been through? I turned around, and ascended the stairs once again.
    I took da Vinci's left fork, revisiting his models, again. Through space, again. To that unmarked staircase. No idea where this would take me. It's plain white with no signage. For all i know, this leads to an employees only storage room or something.
    I descended two floors, and came out at an exhibit on the Large Hadron Collider.
    Incredible.
    Here, i saw more prototype pieces of the device, as well as pieces of older, decommissioned pieces of CERN technology. I wasn't really reading the things, though. I was trying to get out, and i'd been to the real thing just a few days ago.
    After this exhibit was a fork. To the left, a café, which was closed. To the right, the Toti Submarine, the Railway Building, the Air and Water Building, and Exit.
    ...
    Okay yeah i kinda want to see the submarine.
    Turning right brought me to a door, which went outside. There, an entire Cold War-era submarine stood, supported by steel beams, suspended above the asphalt. Informational boards gave the history of this Toti submarine, which was designed during World War II, but the conditions of Italy's 1947 surrender forbid them from building new weapons systems, including submarines. This provision would end if they joined the United Nations. Italy joined NATO in 1949, and was admitted to the UN in 1955. They immediately began production on the Toti submarine.
    There was a stairway leading up to the hatch of the submarine, indicating that it was possible to tour it, but it was gated off. Thank god, i guess, because otherwise i definitely would have blown half an hour or more inside of that thing.
    Okay where's the exit.
    Oh cool, there's one of the European Space Administration's VEGA rockets on display just past the sub! Got sidetracked by that for a while.
    Okay where's the...
    TRAINS! This shed is full of old trains!! Okay i have to poke my head in here for a few minutes, at least, and see the trains.
    Okay where's...
    Wait that WASN'T the Railway Building? There's a sign pointing past where i just was, tempting me with its yellow arrows, to follow it to the full Railway Building.
    I...
    I can't. I gotta get out of here.
    The exit is through the Air and Water Building.
    I entered.
    Holy shit look at all this cool stuff.
    There's entire boats, planes, and helicopters in here!
    They have a cut-up section of an actual 1920s cruise ship, the Conte Biancamano, Italy's last transatlantic liner, with its full ballroom intact in here. That's fascinating. How did you get part of a ship? Where's the rest of it? It looks like you literally constructed the building around this chunk of cruise ship. That's awesome.
    This. This is the stuff i could spend hours on.
    I wish i'd blasted through the early exhibits much quicker, and spent my time on the Railway Building and the Air and Water Building. But i felt my day slipping away, if i was going to accomplish anything else today, i needed to leave.
    I took a quick lap around the gift shop, and was out the door.
    I thought the Leonardo da Vinci Museum of Science and Technology was really nice. Everything is well put together, there's lots of hands-on activities, the information is presented in a digestible way. I'm disappointed that i didn't see any of da Vinci's original artwork, inventions, sketchbooks, or anything of the sort, but that's more a problem of managing expectations, not really a strike against the museum itself. Overall, the biggest problem is just that this is an all-day museum, and i did not know that going in. Especially when the whole thing only cost €10. What an incredible bargain.
    For my midwestern bretheren, i'd compare it to Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry. It's in the same league.
    It was 3:15.
    Okay first of all, it's been six hours since breakfast, i'm gonna need some food. I'm in Italy! The hype around food here is so real! Amanda and i hit both Rome and Venice in 2013, and we had SO much incredible pasta. I need to experience that again.
    Google Maps returned a very highly-rated restaurant about a half mile away called Via Pastaria (literally, Pasta Street), so i went for that. I passed several other places along the way, which all looked pretty good themselves. But i had made a selection, based on empirical data, i was gonna stick to it.
    I got fusillo with bolognese, and an Aperol Spritz. Both items are Italian creations, so i thought this would be a good move. The spritz was served in a carafe, which felt unique, and was exactly what i expected it to be. The pasta...
    ...was just okay.
    Having average pasta in Italy is a crushing disappointment.
    I walked away, thinking that i'd better make sure i get something more worthwhile for dinner.
    There were a couple of Atlas Obscura locations nearby. I stopped at the Ear of Vicolo Gazzana, which is a sculpture of a large, yellow ear, attached to a wall in an alleyway. No one knows why it's there, but it's suspected to be the work of an art collective called The Urban Solid, which is known for random body part sculptures.
    This is definitely a better use of my time than staying at the museum{.}
    The Devil's Column is also barely noteworthy. A vertical white column outside of St. Ambrose's church with two holes near the base. The story goes that the Devil tried to tempt St. Ambrose with a life of debauchery, but the stoic holy man was immovable in his faith. The Devil was frustrated, and headbutted the column, leaving these two holes with his horns.
    The Ruins of the Cicero Romano, also unimpressive. This is all that's left of the Roman circus. The ruins were thought lost for centuries, but were unearthed by new excavation in the 1930s. Many of the ruins have since been used as the foundations for new buildings. Only a few short, square blocks remain as a public monument.
    I definitely should have stuck with the museum.
    The next point that i investigated was more worthwhile. The Wall of Dolls is a feminist landmark, erected in 2014 by singer/songwriter/activist Jo Squillo of Milan to draw attention to the issue of violence against women, in particular, femicide. The dolls have been donated to the wall by victims, some using the effigy to tell their stories. Every year, on the first day of Men's Fashion Week in Milan, Squillo and several volunteers hold a ceremony at the wall, and add portraits of women who died as a result of misogynist violence in the previous year. A documentary about the wall was made in 2016.
    Women are encouraged to add their dolls and their stories to the wall. It has remained a growing project for the last decade.
    It's a poignant and haunting monument.
    I didn't know how to follow that.
    I started looking through all my articles again. There were a few more things i was kind of interested in, so i started looking for directions and, oh. It was 5:40pm. Even on a Saturday, most of the things i was looking at either closed at 5 or would close at 6.
    Maybe i just want to have a drink and relax for a minute.
    I headed toward BackDoor 43, which claims to be the smallest bar in the world. At only 43 square feet, it has space for the bar itself, three barstools, and a bathroom, and that's it. Some outdoor seating is available. Most patrons can only order drinks through a slot in the wall, where only the bartender's hands are visible. It's said that if you take a peek through the slot, the bartender will be wearing a mask.
    The secrecy is the point. To actually get inside the bar,  you need to know a password. When the bar opened up a few years ago, there were no big announcements or ads, word was spread through a series of riddles and secret books hidden around Milan.
    It was closed. I got there at 6pm, it didn't open until 7:30.
    I wasn't going to hang around. I had two more bars on my list, though, so i thought i'd give those a try.
    BackDoor 43 is located on Ripa di Porta Ticinese, a busy bar and restaurant district along one of Milan's canals. It's very much like Nyhavn in Copenhagen, just as crowded, but with a narrower walkway between the tables and the water. I fought my way through the slow-moving herds of people, finally reaching the end, and was about to take off toward the next bar when i saw a gelato shop.
    One thing i remember fondly from our trip through Italy in 2013 is stopping at gelato stands for a scoop at least once a day. How can you not? But somehow, i had gone this long today without getting any. Time to fix that.
    The line was pretty long, but i dutifully stood in it, watching the artistry that this tired-looking woman put into every confection. She was a true artist, she just seemed bewildered at the still-growing queue of people waiting for her treats.
    As i stood there, well outside the door, i saw a sandwich board advertising their specials. I decided i wanted the Chiedimi se Sono Felice - Pistacchio, which came in a waffle cone and had several garnishes on the top. The description read: White chocolate and hazelnut gelato, pistachio gelato, milk cream and pistachio gelato, crunchy crumble, mini cone filled with white melted chocolate, caramel topping, mini white chocolate and pistachio bar.
    That sounds like a delicacy.
    A second employee finally arrived to give her some backup, and things started moving a little more quickly. After she took my order, she took some more orders, to build up a bit of padding so she didn't have to run back and forth between the cash register and creating food each time. The other employee started scooping up the orders after me, though, so at first i wondered if i had been skipped and why, but i soon realized it was because the original employee was making my cone fresh from batter. Incredible.
    Once it was done cooking, she flowed around that kitchen effortlessly, putting each of the ingredients in, as if it were a dance. Finally, she handed me the creation. I thanked her warmly, feeling truly blessed to have this work of art.
    It didn't look much like the picture. Lot of empty space in that cone. I started walking down the street, and within a block, gelato began weeping through the cone, all over my hand. I found spot to sit down and focus on eating it as soon as i could.
    The melted white chocolate in the mini cone was far too rich for my tastes, as was the mini white chocolate and pistachio bar. The straight pistachio gelato, which curled around the top of the paler flavors like a green turd, was sticky and had a texture like cheap cake frosting. As quickly as i ate the gelato with the provided spoon, it wasn't enough; melted goo just kept bleeding through the cone, making a huge mess on the cobblestones between my feet. I was halfway down the cone when the bottom collapsed, bringing my thumb directly into the cold treat. As soon as i was able, i shoved the rest of the sugary mess into my mouth, and walked away, hoping people would be paying enough attention to the ground not to walk through the puddle i'd just left. There was nothing else i could do with it.
    It was a long walk from there to Bar Luce.
    Bar Luce is the creation of famous film director Wes Anderson. It exists as part of Fondazione Prada, a culture institution co-chaired by fashion icon Miuccia Prada. Prada had personally invited Anderson to design the space, which bears the signature look you would expect from one of his films. Strong pastel colors, vintage wallpaper, quirky details, an overall 1950s vibe.
    I walked in, a sticky disaster, and tried to order a drink from one of the three men at the bar, who were all dressed as soda jerks. None of them spoke much English, just enough to tell me to go see the woman at the register, who had appeared in the last two minutes after i'd walked past it. She asked what i was in for, i said i could use a drink, and she handed me the drink menu. "We have many options...Spritz, others..." she said, pointing right at the Aperol Spritz.
    "Yeah i could go for an Aperol Spritz."
    I paid for the drink, and then asked about the bathroom, to go wash my hands and face. She pointed me downstairs.
    Going downstairs was a whole different vibe, yet still in line with the Wes Anderson aesthetic. Black and white tiles, a really weird door, just a whole other end of the 1950s - almost atomic, while retaining that diner feel.
    Coming back upstairs, i retrieved my Spritz from the bar, and went to sit down at a table, only for one of the soda jerks to come out and tell me it was reserved. Sure enough, there was a "Reserved" sign on the table, but they all had that, so i had just thought it was part of the decor. He instead pointed me to a rather awkward square chair, part of a cluster of square chairs, with a desk that could swivel over your lap. This chair stared directly at the reserved table. The ones on the other side stared at the bar.
    I just cannot picture a scenario where sitting in these chairs, which are a bit lower than the tables, is not offputting. There's nowhere to look that doesn't seem like you're leering at somebody.
    The soda jerk brought me a little bowl of nuts.
    As soon as i took my first sip, the group of six that had reserved the table came in and sat down. I'd hoped i'd be gone by the time they arrived, but it was not to be. Now i was awkwardly watching somebody's dinner party.
    I tried to focus my attention on the pinball machines off to my right, which are custom-designed based on Anderson's specifications. One of them features Steve Zissou.
    It's hard to put into words, but i didn't really feel welcome at Bar Luce? I don't know. Vibes were a little unfriendly. Then again, i can't really count myself among the Wes Anderson faithful; i feel like i would like his films, i just haven't taken the time to watch them yet. I've only seen the two stop motion ones, Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle of Dogs. Maybe if i experienced more of his oeuvre, i'd appreciate the atmosphere of this little café/bar a bit more.
    The sun had gone down by the time i finished my drink and left.
    Okay. I still had to plan my next moves. At this point i didn't know where i would be going the next day. So. From Wes Anderson's Bar Luce, do i:

    (A) Go back to the hostel, pick out a destination and some trains, and book a hostel,
        or
    (B) Go to another bar for a signature drink?

...

......

...Bar.

It was much too far to walk from Bar Luce to Bar Basso, the famous Italian tavern where the Negroni Sbagliato was invented in 1972.
    Do i know what a Negroni Sbagliato is?
    No.
    I usually drink rum and cokes. I don't tend to get much fancier than that. I don't know a lot of liquors and i don't know a lot of cocktails. It's like sushi, though; i couldn't name many sushi rolls, but i've never had one i didn't like. I go to a sushi place, i order a bunch of stuff that looks good, and i retain the names of none of it. My hit/miss ratio isn't quite as good on cocktails, but it's still in the black.
    It was 8:30 when i arrived at Bar Basso.
    It was swamped. Every outdoor table was either taken or so recently abandoned it still hadn't been bussed, and the inside was packed. People were all over the bar.
    Did i want to fight my way through that crowd to get a drink that i know nothing about?
    Not really.
    Where am i even gonna drink it? Standing outside, by myself? That seems the most likely outcome.
    I turned and crossed the street, heading back toward the tram.
    Ugh. No, dammit. I'm here to get out of my comfort zone and do things i normally wouldn't.
    I went back into the bar, entering just behind three other people much better dressed than i. One of them approached the bar.
    "You have to get on the list, and wait outside," the bartender told her.
    Oh.
    Yeah i am not going to do that.
    I suppose i could've asked him if you needed to be on the list just to get a drink, but i didn't. I was tired, and i still had mission-critical objectives to accomplish before i could go to bed. I got away from the crowd, and pulled out my phone to look up transit directions.
    It would be about a 45 minute walk, or a 25 minute public transit ride. I'd already walked 12 miles today. I elected to take transit.
    I walked to a bus stop. I missed it at first, because there were cars parked in front of it. Cars are allowed to park in front of the bus stops in Italy? That's kinda shitty. I walked back right away. I was right on time for that bus, and even though i'd overshot the stop, i had been on the right street. I hadn't seen any bus. It must be running late.
    The LED sign above the bench said 12 minutes for the next one, which is what the app said also. So either i did miss that bus, or it didn't actually exist.
    I waited for a while. When i looked up next, the sign said 8 minutes for the next bus. It felt like i had been waiting a lot longer than 4 minutes.
    I checked directions again. If i took a quick five minute walk, i could get to a tram station where i could catch the 19, which drops me right in front of the hostel. That's much better than what this bus was gonna do anyway. So i started walking, not convinced that a bus was ever coming to pick me up.
    I sat down at the tram station, and waited.
    One minute before the tram was supposed to arrive, a different one pulled in, a 5. That seemed a little odd, so i checked the map again.
    I was at the wrong damn station.
    The one i needed was just around the corner. Literally, same intersection, just the other corner. Shit. I got up and booked it.
    Got there just in time to see the 19 pull away, the shiny 1922 denoting its inception date on its posterior taunting me, like a full moon.
    It had been thirty-four minutes since that initial bus i was supposed to get on had allegedly left that bus stop. I would have to wait another fourteen minutes for the next run of tram number 19.
    I should've just walked.
    But, i waited.
    I followed the instructions presented by Google Maps, and rode that tram until it told me to get off. Once i did...it quoted me a nine minute, 750 meter walk.
    What the hell?
    The tram was gone, so it was too late to jump back on. But i looked at the map, and i could see the next tram stop, right across from the hostel. Google had just told me to get off the tram one stop early, for shits and giggles, and i had listened, like a sucker.
    I've complained a lot about Google Maps leading me astray, a little in this journal, a whole heck of a lot in my video logs. At this point, i feel like it's fucking with me on purpose.
    It ended up taking me 50 minutes to get back. Should've just walked.
    Where do i want to go tomorrow?
    Okay. No matter how indecisive i feel, i cannot extend my stay here. I absolutely must leave Italy tomorrow, September 29th, because i have been made aware that there is a planned rail worker's strike beginning on September 30th.
    I'd really like to go to Andorra.
    I looked for hostels. There were two really nice-looking options in La Massana, super cheap at €20 and €22. As i started reading their descriptions, about how close they are to the mountains, talking about how you can ski down them in the winter, and bike down them in the warmer months. All the hiking trails nearby.
    Oh man. This sounds beautiful. This is the kind of stuff i had wanted to do, but i ended up just sticking to cities, because it was significantly easier to do by train, without meticulous planning ahead.
    Both hostels had plenty of availability.
    But! We must remember our order of operations!
    I checked the Eurail app.
    Nothing.
    Nothing at all.
    I Googled, "Is Andorra covered by Eurail pass?"
    Andora has no railroads. Never has. No train has ever gone to Andorra.
    Well that's inconvenient. How do i get there?
    The official Andorra tourism web site offers a couple of options. It lists the nearest train stations, coming from either France or Spain, and offers a few bus and taxi options, or suggests just renting a car.
    How much is an international taxi going to cost? I clicked the link, but i saw it was loading from Uber's web site, and i closed it. Absolutely no way is that gonna be cost effective.
    The bus looked a lot more promising, it should only be €8...but i could not figure out how to buy tickets. The route was listed on Andorra's web site, but to book you have to go through the bus company directly, and they did not list any itineraries to Andorra. Plus, the route i was looking at started from a train station just outside the northern border, in France, and for some reason drove around the eastern rim of the country, into Spain, and entered Andorra from the southwest.
    I spent at least an hour on this.
    There was no way to make the logistics work in the time that i have left.
    I had to cut Andorra.
    Oh shit, i forgot to get a good Italian dinner! Well. Sandwich from the bar, i guess.
    Sandwich was not bad, i liked it.
    So. Where do i go instead?
    Nice? Marseilles? Do i just head straight for Barcelona, get a few days around that city in before i settle into film fest mode?
    The itineraries going all the way to Barcelona were fucking garbage. No i do not want to do a nine-hour overnight layover at a train station in the middle of nowhere, France.
    I ended up going to bed without making a decision.