Monday, September 2
Part the First: Exploration
I went downstairs to inquire about the laundry service first thing. I desperately needed to wash my clothes, i hadn't had a chance recently and i'd been wearing the same shirt for three days. I was hoping this hostel would just give me access to the washer and dryer, so i could do it myself; i figured i'd put on my swimming suit, which i haven't used yet, and my vest, and nothing else, and get everything washed all at once before i headed out for the day. Unfortunately, that was not an option; it's a service, you give them your dirty laundry and your money, they return clean laundry by 5pm. I'm not waiting around the hostel in my swimming suit and vest until 5pm.
Once i gave my name at the desk, though, the clerk realized who i was and had to run me through a bunch of check in procedures, since i'd arrived after close last night. She encouraged me to join the hostel's WhatsApp group, but i didn't, because i don't have WhatsApp. This is the second time that it's come up on this trip. WhatsApp seems to be much bigger here than in America.
She asked if i would like a map of some popular spots to visit, and i said, sure, why not. So she pulled one off of a stack and started circling things and scrawling little notes. It was too many things. I knew damn well i was going to forget what all of these notes meant the second i was away from that desk.
I also wanted to sign up for one of the hostel's social events, but for that, it was cash only. I've made it this far on my trip without ever having to get any cash, i'd kind of hoped it would stay that way. I've already gone through three countries that each use their own unique version of the kroner/kronor/krone/krona, but the last three were all on the euro, and i think everything in my future is also, except Poland and (if i go there) Switzerland. So maybe it's time to take out some cash.
The ATM she sent me to was being serviced, so it took me a bit to walk around and find another one. When i returned with money, she said she'd put the details in the WhatsApp group soon. I told her i don't have that, so she said to come back around noon and she'd tell me what time we were going.
After the side quests, the laundry, the check-in formalities, and the regular morning hygiene routine, it was already 11:30.
I realized that, once again, i haven't had a meal in 24 hours, just the snacks on the train.
Taking her words to mean that we were leaving the hostel at noon, i figured i didn't have much time, so i should use it to shove some food in me. I checked to see what was around that would be quick.
Burger King.
Uh. No.
But across the street there's Hesburger.
This looks like fast food, but i've never heard of it, so i'm assuming that it's a Latvia thing. I did say before the trip that i wanted to try a fast and cheap food in each country in addition to the fancier, signature meals, and aside from a couple of street wieners, i haven't done that yet. Here we go.
Most of their menu was what you'd expect from a fast food burger chain. Cheeseburger. Chicken sandwich. Bacon cheeseburger. They did have a veggie burger, and i thought about getting that, but then i noticed there's one item on the menu i've never seen before. This might be the unique thing to get in Latvia.
Kebab burger.
There is so much kebab in Europe.
Instead of a regular bun, it comes on what must be intended to be a flatbread bun.
It was alright! For what it was, a cheap fast food sandwich, i can't complain. It was certainly better than Burger King.
The place was pretty busy, i had waited in line a while before ordering. So even though i was less than a block down the street from the Naughty Squirrel Hostel, i didn't get back up to reception until a bit after 12. The clerk, whose name i somehow never got all day, was helping some other people, but she saw me and called past them, "Four o'clock."
Okay. So now i'm fed, and i've got some time to go explore.
When she had started circling things on the map, she had suggested that i go to the Riga Central Market first. "Now's the best time to go," she had said, "rather than later."
That was several hours ago. I'd been thinking about going there for breakfast. But, i headed over there nonetheless. It's right by the bus station where i landed last night.
Riga Central Market is huge, consisting of up to 3,000 individual market stands, inside of five decommissioned early-1900s zeppelin hangars. The facility is impressive to look at from the outside, and on the inside...
Well, i wouldn't know, because the fucking thing was closed.
The hours are clearly listed on the side of the building as 8:00 - 18:00, it should be open. But there's a gate down across the entrance, and i can see inside that there's only a couple of people mopping. It's clearly closed.
I walked down to the next hangar, naïvely hoping that one might be open. No. I continued.
On the last hangar, there was a sign taped to the window, written in Latvian. I could clearly understand that it said "September 2" though, so i thought it would be relevant. I put it to Google Lens.
"Informational! Pavilion 02.09.2024. Sanitary day! Pavilion closed!"
That is. Unfortunate.
In between the hangars themselves are smaller buildings which connect them. These have more permanent stores in them, and those were open. I walked through one of these corridors, coming out the other side, and finding a smaller farmer's market operating behind the hangars. So that was nice!
I pulled out the map and tried my best to remember what some of the stuff was, and i really couldn't.
So i pulled up the Atlas Obscura and thought i would do some scavenger hunting.
From here, i visited several monuments, mostly for things that are pretty depressing. In order:
-The Great Choral Synagogue Memorial: The remains of Riga's most beautiful synagogue, which was burned by the Nazis three days after they occupied Riga in 1941, with congregates locked inside. Every synagogue in Riga was burned that day, over 400 were killed. New walls have been added where the originals once stood, with pieces of the synagogue that were recovered in excavation embedded in them.
-The Žanis Lipke Memorial: A monument to Žanis Lipke and 20 other Latvians who sheltered Jews and helped them escape the Nazis during the occupation. Lipke himself is credited with saving the lives of over 50 people.
-Jana Seta Map Shop: A little store which sells many very old maps, mostly Soviet in origin, dating back to the beginning of the Soviet occupation. These are all very rare, it's not like they were mass produced and sold by the Soviets. I talked with the proprietor for a little bit; he asked where i'm from and who told me to go there. "Your shop was on a list of unusual places to visit." "Ah yes, we're on the Atlas Obscura," he said. "Yep. That's the one." He told me that his shop is the only place in the world you can buy this stuff.
-Latvian Freedom Monument: Built in 1935 to honor the fallen soldiers of the Latvian War of Independence (1918-20), when they first split off from Russia, and built on the spot where a statue of Peter the Great previously stood. When the Soviet Occupation started, the USSR wanted to demolish it, but thought it would cause unrest in Latvia, so instead they tried to claim it represented the Soviet Union. It survived through the entire occupation.
-Baltic Way stuff: There were several informational boards set up about the Baltic Way, and a wooden standee of three people with their arms outstretched so you could join hands with them for a photo op. As i mentioned in Tallinn, we just crossed the 35th anniversary, so i'm sure these were set up for that. They didn't look permanent. I found these by accident.
-The Black Cat of Riga: Sculpted cats atop a building in Riga's Old Town. Their origin story is widely debated, locals told me conflicting stories, but Atlas Obscura indicates it's a union dispute.
-Black Magic Bar: Gastro Obscura lists Riga Black Balsam as "a legendary herbal liqueur which saved the life of an ailing Catherine the Great" and says the best place in Riga to try it is at Black Magic in Old Town. So i did that. I got a Black Iced Tea, which is like a Long Island Iced Tea, it's the Black Balsam, rum, vodka, orange liqueur, and Coke; and Black Ice Cream, vanilla ice cream with dark chocolate and Black Balsam. Both were phenomenal. I felt tipsy as i left.
-House of the Blackheads: a building originally put up in the 1300s which just won't die.
-First-Ever Public Christmas Tree Marker: the spot, right outside the House of the Blackheads, where a Christmas tree was put on public display for the first time ever, in 1510.
-Monument to the Latvian Riflemen: Controversial monument because it may have originally been intended to honor conscripted Latvian troops who fought for the Soviets against Latvia, it is now considered to represent all Latvian soldiers.
-Remembrance Memorial to the Victims of the Soviet Occupation: A large wall dedicated to those lost during the Soviet era. There's a hole in the back that you can step inside; while in there, you are subjected to a haunting tone and deep vibrations meant to unsettle you to the core. It works! This part is called "The Wailing Wall." Apt.
I had told myself that by 3 i would be checking to see how far it was to the hostel, and making sure i stayed close, and by 3:30 i'd be back or on my way.
It was now 3:45.
Fortunately, i was only a 6 minute walk from the hostel. I had no idea how i'd ended up back on the correct side of the highway, but i was pretty happy about it, that takes some of the element of chance out of this. That highway is hard to cross.
Still, that didn't leave me much time to get in, drop off my cameras, pee, and refill my water bottles. But i did it. I was back into the reception area at 3:58.
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Part the Second: Experience
There were seven of us, plus the clerk from the desk, who were heading out for the AK-47 shooting. They had several packages available to choose from, each of which included a different arsenal of guns and a different number of bullets. The cheapest was called the "Mini-Me" and got you 3 rounds each with a Glock and an AK-47. I'd been told that the most popular option was the "Lone Wolf," which was 10 shots with the Glock, 6 with the AK, and 6 with a pump-action shotgun. Between those is "Bond," and above is "Rambo," "Spec Ops," and finally "Terminator," the last of which gets you six rounds each with nine different guns.
One other guy went with the Lone Wolf; everyone else did Mini Me.
We ran through a number of safety protocols, as you might imagine, and then it was go time. The five Mini-Mes took their shots first, i ended up last in sequence. Which suits me fine, it was helpful to see everyone else go first, to build up my own confidence.
We started with the Glock. One by one, everyone got to fire their allotted number of bullets. After everyone was done, and the gun was put away, we walked downrange to check the targets.
The instructor went through everyone one by one. As we were waiting, the other Lone Wolf, Jaden, looked at my target and said, "Holy shit, i think we know who the winner is."
When the instructor reached me, he glanced at the target, then back up at me, and said, in his thick Russian accent, "You've shot before."
"Only with rifles and shotguns, and it was over 20 years ago. I've never fired a handgun before," i answered.
"You were the only one who kept the gun steady and fired consistently. Everyone else was all over the place."
Of the ten bullets i fired, nine hit the target, and most were center mass.
He counted the bullet holes twice, to be sure, as i had before he walked up. It seems odd that one bullet would have missed the target entirely, so it is possible that one of them simply went through an existing hole. So i may have hit with all ten.
Next up, the AK-47s. Same drill, down the line, one at a time. Six bullets this time. The AK-47 was set for semi-automatic, so only one bullet should fire at a time.
Once again, there was one missing bullet hole, but i did even better with the AK. Four in the center range of the target, one just outside. Again, i would love to think that i'm consistent enough that one went through an existing hole...but what would be the odds of that happening twice?
Finally, Jaden and i each got to fire a pump-action shotgun.
All of my shots were accounted for on this one, and they all hit.
We thanked the instructor, got some pictures taken with the guns (which i do not have, but will attempt to get copies of tomorrow), and headed out.
The desk clerk then took us to a bar near the hostel, which has many guns on display. They're all non-firing, and with supervision, you're allowed to pick them up and take pictures with them, and the bartenders apparently love talking about them. I did neither.
The bar is called The Armoury.
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Part the Third: Anxiety
I had two drinks at the bar. The first was called a Tropical Latvian, which is a signature cocktail the bartender created himself, and uses locally-made Distillers Republic rum and "tropical flavors." I asked if it had coconut, he said no, so i said yes. It was delicious.
The Clovis Riga is a cocktail made with the Riga Black Balsam. It was served in a very fancy glass, and was also a bit of a fruity drink. Delectable.
The clerk had gone while we were ordering, but i sat with everyone else from the range experience for a while. A few of them peeled off after a bit. It turns out, most of them are volunteering at the hostel, i think in exchange for a free stay, and have to work shifts either tonight or tomorrow morning.
They're all college-age, early 20s. Half my age. The four i ended up sitting with for the longest, maybe an hour, possibly more, were Jaden, Joanna, Tasha, and Neils, from Ireland, Luxembourg, New Zealand, and Germany, respectively. They all seem like good friends, but they really all just met. Jaden and Neils just got here today. Tasha and Joanna met at their previous hostel, in Vilnius, i think last week.
I didn't say much the whole time. A couple of comments here and there, mostly to Tasha at first, about New Zealand. Later Jaden and i connected a bit on metal music. But for the most part, i was just...there. At least they all seemed comfortable with me.
Jaden wanted to head back to the hostel to play some beer pong, so we did that. The first game, i played on a team with him and Georgia, who is from England, who we just met when we got back to the hostel. I got a drink from the bar, the (something) Special, which was another Riga Black Balsam cocktail, for the game. We lost.
After that i mostly stood around in the back. I got a second Special, and was waiting to try and play again, but the third game went on for a really, really long time; no one involved could seem to get the ball into a cup.
When i'd gone up for the second drink, i lost my spot on the couch, so i was just standing in the doorframe, talking to nobody, anyway. Some older people had come in, some even older than me, so it's not even really an age thing.
I nursed that second drink for a long time, really wanting to use it for the game, but eventually, i gave up. It was 9:30. I realized i hadn't eaten in 10 hours and i'd drank five cocktails in that span.
The alcohol wasn't hitting me. I didn't even feel buzzed.
I've read that people with ADHD process caffeine differently, it doesn't give you an energy boost and can in fact make you tired. Subconsciously, i've always used it just to keep my brain stable enough to focus. Learning this was what made me start looking into ADHD a few years ago, because i knew i'd had a caffeine addiction for decades and it had never affected me the way people always talk about caffeine affecting them.
I need to look into this, or talk to a therapist about it, or both, but i've been wondering if my brain sometimes does the same thing with alcohol and anxiety. There have been nights, in the last year - and this is a new thing, it's just been since Amanda's been gone, since my anxiety has been an all-consuming, all-the-time thing - but there have been nights when i've been out with new friends, people i didn't know very well or at all, and i've thrown back ten, twelve Captain & Cokes and not felt a god damned thing. Nowadays, my alcohol tolerance is usually pretty low, because i don't drink very frequently anymore; one drink is enough to get my face tingling, two is tipsy, three is drunk. But in those awkward social situations...
I did an Irish goodbye and went downstairs, out the door, and found my way to a place that was literally called Late Night Munchies, even though it closes at midnight. I ordered a Mexi-kebab, a beautiful marriage of kebab and burrito. On the first couple bites, the sauces were incredible, but they tapered off as i worked my way down the tortilla, which was disappointing. Otherwise, incredible mash-up. Just needs more SAUCE.
Joanna had shown me that the rifle range pics were up in the WhatsApp group, so i had finally given in and installed it and joined the channel before i'd left the hostel. Unfortunately, they have Vanish Mode turned on, so i couldn't see anything that was posted before i joined. While i was eating my Mexi-kebab, Tasha messaged the group that they were all heading out to a nearby bar.
I know i had a shaky start to this voyage, once i left Copenhagen and was out on my own, but after that night i had a room alone in the bottom of the ferry, i had found a way to release some of that pent-up grief, and although i cried myself to sleep that night, i woke up feeling the proverbial weight off my shoulders. I feel like i've been doing really well since then.
But yeah, with Triin up in Tallinn, i felt really guarded and awkward the whole time, she did almost all of the talking the whole time we were together. I feel like i was just starting to get warmed up around her toward the end of the second day.
And now this. Even with the age-old social lubricant, alcohol, and, i cannot stress enough, not one fucking thing to lose, i still could not carry a conversation with strangers today. We had this bonding experience at the shooting range, then we got drinks at a bar, then we played beer pong back at the hostel.
And i still could not open up even a tiny bit to any of them. People i will never see again in my life. I could've said anything at all.
And i said nothing.
I've written it before, i know, but i thought this trip would help open me up. Instead, i feel like it's done the opposite. It was probably a bad idea for me to take this trip before having extensive therapy. I really need to get on that as soon as i get back.
The hostel was quiet when i entered. Everyone must be either asleep or at that bar Tasha mentioned in the WhatsApp group. I climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, and went to take a shit.
It's a little hotter in the bathroom than the rest of the building. As i sat there, i noticed a bead of sweat rolling down my left lens. I went to wipe it with my shirt.
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Part the Fourth: Tragedy
And i broke my fucking glasses.
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