Day 4: Copenhagen

Saturday, August 17

 Today we were up and out of the house early for an adventure!
    Perfect weather for it, too. An appropriate amount of fluffy white clouds against a perfect light blue backdrop of a sky, just the right temperature, no wind or precipitation. Yesterday had been gray and a little drizzly, perfect weather for an indoor tour of a brewery, so we were really glad that we had a much nicer day to work with today.
    We took the train down to Gammel Strand and started the day off with a very Danish breakfast at a cute little café, called Lille Fugl. By coincidence, we all ordered the same thing, a breakfast plate with two kinds of bread, butter, a jam we believe to have been strawberry rhubarb, Danish cheese, and a soft boiled egg. Everything was incredible. Danish rye bread is very different from any other rye breads i've ever had; it's very dense and seedy. It's almost a cake. It's no wonder Danish cuisine is known for open-faced sandwiches; a second slice would be far too heavy.
    Another interesting thing about Copenhagen: many, perhaps most, of the businesses are slightly below or above street level. So to enter, you need to either descend or, more rarely, ascend, three or so stairs. After breakfast, i tripped up the stairs and ate fuck on the cobblestone road outside the café.
    We were close to Jake's office, so we moseyed on by so i could see the building.
    Then, the first real attraction of the day: the canal tour, from the water. It's included with the Copenhagen Cards that we purchased yesterday that i neglected to mention, because i was writing my log at 3am and just trying to pound it out so i could get some sleep. Incidentally, it's almost 1:30am right now and uhhh. Uhhhh. Why do i keep doing this.
    The Copenhagen Card offers free public transit and access to over 80 attractions for 72 hours at one convenient price. If you've read my 2013 logs, from the last time Amanda and i did this, i talked about certain city cards that we used back then. Nowadays, there is no physical card; it's all on an app, which is great because you don't need to find a real-life location to pick it up and it's one less thing to lose, but also sucks because if i don't keep my phone charged all day i'm screwed. It's also one less souvenir for later, but i care less about that now than i did a decade ago.
    Many Copenhagen Card attractions just require you to show a QR code from the app at entry, like Tivoli yesterday, and you just go in when you go in. The canal tour required us to show that QR code, but then they issued us a paper receipt with another QR code and a specific tour time. We had about 45 minutes to kill before our tour, so we walked around downtown Copenhagen for a bit. At least, i assume this is downtown Copenhagen. It feels like a downtown.
    Cyndi keep saying that, in Denmark, if a gate is open, you are essentially invited to enter. So like, yesterday there was a fence around the Carlsberg beer laboratory after the tour and down the block, so not part of the experience, but the gate was open so we just walked in and took pictures of the statues. This sort of thing has happened a couple times during my stay.
    Today, we saw a wrought iron gate in the side of a brick building, and it was open, so Cyndi just cannonballed herself at it as Jake and i rushed to catch up. "We're usually through here when things are more closed!" she said, excited.
    I don't really know how to qualify where one building ends and another begins around here, everything is built like townhouses, all stuck together, so a single structure will span a city block. This tunnel is probably what, in America, would be an alley between two separate physical buildings. But here, it is a brick tunnel. I'm assuming something is occupying the space above that brick roof.
    After we entered, we encountered other people walking through the tunnel and even one person biking through ("I'm pretty sure you're supposed to walk your bike," Cyndi muttered), but mostly what we found in that tunnel was a beautiful hidden courtyard with an open shaft to the sky above, and also a whole-ass restaurant. When we came out the other side, there was a sandwich board with an arrow pointing back into the tunnel that said, "Look at our hidden garden!"
    On the next block, we passed two baby products stores, one called Little Savages, and the other, Precious Angels.
    We still got to the boat tour a bit early, but the line was already forming up, and soon they started boarding us. I guess normally, they have a tour guide, but today we ended up with an audio tour; they provided us headphones to plug into a jack on the chair in front of us, with buttons to choose from six languages. There was still a guy doing a bit of the tour guide thing, standing up and going over the rules before we departed, and occasionally he would pop up with fun tidbits. But not a tour guide.
    First thing he explained, we are going to be going under quite a few bridges, which are very low. Just enough clearance for the boat and average-sized passengers, really, so if you are tall, watch your head. And regardless of your height, do not touch the bridges. Do not! Do NOT TOUCH. The bridges.
    Second, if you're on the outside seats of the boat, keep your elbows inside of the guard rail. I already had my elbow hanging over, as did the guy in front of me, so i pulled it in. He left his out anyway. But more disappointingly, i said, "Well, i guess that probably includes cameras on long poles..." Because i was 100% planning on sticking my new 360 camera out there and trying to get a good shot of us in the boat.
    "Just don't hurt yourself," Cyndi said. "And don't touch the bridge with the camera. It's probably fine."
    "Maybe wait until we're out of the canal," Jake said, knowing that the tour takes us into the comparatively more open bay before it turns around.
    "Alright, we're coming up to the first bridge," the guide said. "Let's see how many people were paying attention. What are we going to do?"
    "Not touch it," several people answered.
    He sat down, and we passed underneath. It was indeed a tight fit.
    On the other side, he popped up again. "Very good, only three people tried to touch the bridge."
    The canal tour was fun. There really is a lot you can see from the water. Highlights include the Copenhagen Opera House, a copper replica of the Statue of David, a mostly obstructed view of an important church plus "the most photographed tree in Denmark" (i.e., the picture you get when you missed the church), a modern building inspired by Lego blocks, several centuries-old houses which have stood so long because every major fire that's come through Denmark in its long history has stopped at the canal and not crossed, the most expensive apartments in Europe (€10-12 million), the Circle Bridge, and quite a lot of other things i'm certainly forgetting but also definitely shot video of.
    We were supposed to see cannons, but they were blocked by the Danish Royal Family's yacht parked in the harbor. This is not usually there. Jake & Cyndi say they've never seen it before.
    After the tour, we headed over to Nyhavn, a famous district with 17th and 18th century buildings lining a canal, most of which are restaurants or bars. Cyndi says the view over this canal is the thing most people think of when they hear "Copenhagen" - it's on all the postcards, posters, book covers, and so on; the very old, very colorful buildings all stuck together with awnings over street seating for hungry tourists. Also, Hans Christian Andersen's old house is on the opposite side of the canal, which is a gift shop now. We didn't go inside.
    We ate at a place called Skipperkroen, and got two platters of smørrebrød to share. It's an open-faced sandwich on the same dense rye bread from earlier, often but not exclusively with fish. Surprisingly, my favorite of them was with pickled herring. I do not know if i've ever eaten pickled herring before, honestly; it's probably one of those foods i thought was super gross as a child that i just haven't gotten around to eating again.
    I also had a cocktail called an Aperol Spritz. I have never heard of Aperol, but there are ads for it plastered all across Denmark, and sometimes the advertising just gets to you, man. It came in a fancy glass with a comically oversized paper straw sticking out. The first sip took me by surprise, i did not like it at all. Second sip was better. I saved the rest until i had eaten a bit, and after that, it was great; it paired very well with the food. "Pairing drinks with food" is not a thing that has ever been in my wheelhouse. But this time, it worked.
    Next up, we took a long walk to the statue of the Little Mermaid, sitting on a large rock in the water just off Langelinie promenade. The rocks are close enough together that it's easy to leave the shore and walk out to it. Despite being one of Copenhagen's best-known landmarks, it still made the Atlas Obscura, possibly because people keep decapitating, dismembering, and blowing it up. In total, the above have happened five times since it was Carl Jacobsen of Carlsberg Brewery fame commissioned its installation in 1913.
    Not far from The Little Mermaid, which was completely swarmed with tourists creating more photos every minute than i will in this entire trip, down the almost-deserted streets of a nearby industrial district, there sits in the same body of water the statue of The Genetically Modified Little Mermaid. This twisted bastardization of the original was created in 2006 as a criticism of human body modification; her limbs are elongated and shoot off in unwieldy directions and have extra joints, her head is unrecognizable as human, and her body is misshapen and contorted. She's not been vandalized yet! Sculptor Bjørn Nørgaard postulates that perhaps it's because she's already "fighting against the order of nature" and any further modification would be superfluous.
    On the shore behind The Genetically Modified Little Mermaid are her friends: contorted, abstract sculptures of Adam, Eve, Mary Magdalene, Jesus Christ, and a pregnant man. Nørgaard calls his complete collection "The Genetically Altered Paradise."
    No one else came to visit them while we were there.
    See, this is what Atlas Obscura is for. Not The Little Mermaid, but The Genetically Modified Little Mermaid. The under-appreciated destinations. The weird shit.
    The Little Mermaid also has a brother statue, known as "Han," who is covered in chrome, but he is located in Helsingør, and that was too far for us to travel.
    The next one is kinda well known, but also kinda earns its spot on the Atlas, for being so weird. We took a bus to Copenhill, the tallest building in Copenhagen. It is, all at once, a power plant, a ski hill, and the tallest climbing wall in the world. Yeah, those plastic facsimiles of rocks that get bolted into walls so you can work your way up and then rappel down? This one is 85 meters tall (279 feet). It goes all the way up the flat side of the building.
    As for the ski hill bit, you can rent ski equipment at the base of the power plant, and either take it up the elevator with you or use the ski lift to the top of the building. You don't need to wait for snow, either; the sloped part of the building is covered in turf, and evidently you can just go ahead and ski down that.
    The ski lift looks terrifying; there's no seats, just handles coming down from the constantly rotating belt. It was running while we were there, but we didn't see anyone actually take it. We were fascinated to see how that was supposed to work.
    We did not ski. We did not climb. So what did we do at this power plant?
    Well, we went up the elevator, to see the top of the ski hill, and there's a cute little rooftop garden with a bar and an ice cream stand. You can climb a little higher, up to the aforementioned 85 meter mark, and see all of the island of Zealand.
    It's a little funny, i asked Amanda, cheekily, years ago, "Where is Old Zealand?" and she didn't think it was funny so i asked again but seriously this time, and she didn't know and we never looked it up. And then Cyndi & Jake moved to the island of Zealand in Denmark.
    We took the bus to Freetown Christiania, an autonomous, self-governing anarchist commune not far from the heart of Copenhagen. Much of it used to be barracks and bunkers, but after it was abandoned by the military in 1971, unhoused people moved in and claimed squatters rights. The population grew, many of the occupants protesting the lack of affordable housing in the city, and it quickly became known as "a hub for cannabis trade, an act that was tolerated by authorities until 2004." I'm not gonna launch into a full history lesson, but the Atlas Obscura page has a decent primer.
    There's so much art and neat little shops around Christiania. Nearly every wall is covered in the most incredible murals and graffiti. People are selling their art and other wares on the streets. There are many independent restaurants and bars. We stopped into one that was built from an underground bunker and had beers brewed with hemp. They were good! I am discovering good beers that i like on this trip! This has been very eye-opening!

    The people we met in Christiania were all very kind. We also met very kind dogs in Christiania. The town has about 850 permanent residents.
    Exiting, we passed under a sign that reads, "You are now entering the EU."
    On the way to Christiania, we had attempted to get into the Church of Our Savior; i wanted to climb its ridiculous spiral spire. Unfortunately, entry times were sold out for the day. As we passed again leaving Christiania, there were still people waiting outside the door.
    Though not autonomous, we proceeded to another "town within a town:" Reffen. This is a village made of food trucks. I don't even know if you can call them "trucks," i don't know if they move. Many of them just look like tiny buildings. It's like a mobile home park for restaurants.
    I was frankly flabbergasted by how many options there were for food here. We broke off in our own separate directions to order, agreeing to meet by a boat that was bolted to the ground and filled with sand once we had our food. I wandered across the entire breadth of the district, trying to take in each stall, probably over 100 options, make an informed decision, but with Cyndi's last words ringing in my ears: "I need to get a drink first, so i can drink it while i wait for food!"
    After seeing everything, went back to the large bar in the middle and got a Nørrebro Cider. Then i continued to walk around for a bit in a haze. Through it all, all i could really remember was the very first food truck i'd laid eyes on: Cheesy Dreams. With their big poster that read "BREAKING NEWS: Duck Fat Waffle Fries" and their #1 menu option, French Nachos. So after all of that wandering, i just ended up back where i started. At least i was holding an alcohol by that point.
    I did order the French Nachos, with ham. Not the Duck Fat Waffle Fries though, despite their name bouncing around in my skull like a game of Pong for the last 30 minutes. Instead i opted for Deep Fried Mac & Cheese.
    Cyndi walked up to me as i waited. "Hey. It's been a while. Did you order food?" And just as i was about to answer, they called my number.
    I approached the stall. "This is ready," the man said, pushing the Deep Fried Mac & Cheese at me. He pointed at the nachos. "This needs cheese."
    He took two halves of a huge cheese wheel and stuck them in a track with the flat edge up. A heated flat metal bit came down onto the flat parts of both. "You're getting the first of a new wheel!" he shouted cheerfully. I still didn't really know what was going on. After a moment, he pulled the metal plate up from one side, removed the cheese wheel half, took a big, spatula-like scraping instrument, and dragged it across the hot side of the cheese. A gooey torrent of freshly-melted French cheese globbed onto my chips. "Do you want fresh black pepper?"
    "Yes, please!"
    He ground some pepper across the cheese flood.
    "Do you want home-made ranch for both of these?"
    "Sure!"
    I set the mac & cheese bowl on top of my cup, and grabbed the nachos with the other hand. Cyndi swooped in and grabbed the bowl off the cup before i caused a disaster. "Why don't i just take this?"
    "Thank you."
    She led me back to the table where Jake was finishing up his pasta. Cyndi was already long done with her meal. "I came back to the table and i was very hungry, so i just inhaled it!" she said.
    The Deep Fried Mac & Cheese was good! Macaroni and cheese balls, lightly breaded and fried crispy. I think i've had this sort of thing at a pub before, but these are fresh and French.
    The French nachos were a huge letdown. The cheese was incredible, and the ham was actually prosciutto, but the chips were...regular Lay's, or an equivalent. The three flavors did not really add to each other in any way, and those cheap-ass chips were really letting the fancy meat and cheese down. Actual tortilla chips might have saved this, but also, those were the only three ingredients. I appreciate them going all in with the prosciutto and...um...i want to say brie, but also, i only want to say that because it's the only French cheese i know. It could just as easily have been camembert, or any of the other varieties i just looked up on Wikipedia. But what i'm saying is, to be called "nachos," this needed more toppings. Please name a fancy French tomato quick, for research purposes.
    It was getting pretty late by this point, and this has been the most adventure-filled day of the trip so far, but Jake & Cyndi still had one more place they wanted to take me. We headed for the bus stop, passing by the Foxtail Music Festival on the grounds just outside of Reffen, which we'd been denied entry to on the way in because we thought it looked like a free festival but it was not, also they called it an "American Folk Music" festival but we were clearly hearing ska and rockabilly. Beyond that, there was a bunch of student housing made out of old shipping containers, which is pretty neat. Beyond that, the bus stop.
    We came up to the bus, turned off and waiting, and it was already packed, ass to teakettle. I wasn't sure there was going to be enough room for all three of us, but they pushed their way in anyway, and i also managed to squeeze in there somehow. And there we stood, for minutes, minutes which felt like days, waiting for the bus to fire up and take us somewhere. Eventually it did, and when it reached its next stop...another person pushed her way in the door also. At the following stop, fortunately, people gave up and waited for the next one.
    The bus took us near Nyhavn again, and i was led up some very sketchy stairs to a gangplank, which boarded a bar on a boat: the Tipsy Mermaid. We got some drinks, and then climbed some even sketchier stairs, which were connected by a sketchy plank to a third set of sketchy stairs, to sit on the top of a second boat and enjoy our drinks as we looked across the peaceful canal at night. It was lovely. We made a few tasteful comments about drinking on a pirate ship.
    One round, and then it was time to return to the house. Maverick was certainly awaiting us anxiously, after all, we had been gone  f o r e v e r  and maybe were never coming back. We walked back along the canal, and in the middle, saw two boats parked parallel in the middle of it, between boats docked on either side, with a live band performing from its deck.
    We continued on, back through Kongens Nytorv, a huge public square that we'd passed through several times during the day, and were literally descending the stairs when Cyndi suddenly stopped, paled, and shouted, "my whole backpack is gone!"
    "Did you leave it at Tipsy Mermaid?"
    "I don't know!"
    She turned and started sprinting back toward Nyhavn and was gone before Jake or i could say anything else. We started briskly walking after her. Jake pulled out his phone and tried to call the Tipsy Mermaid, but could not find a phone number for them. We discussed briefly if she even had it going to the Tipsy Mermaid, or if it had been left at Reffen. Reffen would likely be irrecoverable. At least with Tipsy Mermaid, there was a chance. One small boat, maybe half a dozen people there? Possible.
    "Hey, can you hold these?" he asked, handing me his sunglasses.
    "Yeah," i accepted.
    "I can run faster than her," he stated, and was gone.
    I continued down the sidewalk through Nyhavn, past the boat concert again, until i reached an intersection with a bridge. At this point i was not 100% sure which direction we had come from, so i found a wall to lean against, and waited. I was quite confident in this part of the directions, so i knew they would have to come back this way regardless of the outcome of the situation. They'd find me.
    A few minutes later, Jake texted, "Got it. Walking back."
    I was feeling exhilarated and sassy and inebriated, so i replied, "Incredible. Fortune favored us today, me hearties. The luck o the pirate god."
    This text exchange has been edited for proper spelling and grammar. Keep your screenshots to yourself, Cyndi.
    I debated if i should include that last bit, i don't mean to embarrass Cyndi, i mean...we have all done this shit. One time i left my phone on top of a penny smasher at the busiest zoo in America, and was fortunate it was still there when i returned 15 minutes later. But i'm gonna circle back to it in tomorrow's log, do a callback, impart a lesson, and make some commentary about culture.
    I'm a day behind on writing these right now, so i know what's gonna happen. I hope to catch up soon. Might help if i was a little less verbose. This entry was very long.